This article was last updated 20 April 2020.
January 2020 expose: "A Coalescence of Miracle Particles: The Very Real Obscured by Taylor Swift for the Last Decade [Updated]". These updates refer to the fact that Taylor Swift was responding to me in real time as I edited and published this expose from January 2020 to 20 April 2020, adding her responses by the day as notes in brackets.
Taylor Swift took the idea for her “Blank Space” from John Mayer's lyrics of "A Face to Call Home," written to me, as she has of most of his songs and every step he has taken in the last twelve years, out of her need to hit out at something that did not happen with her but which she had already sold to the public and media in 2010 as her own false identity and "narrative." She copies because she is protected by the media and public that sees her in the privileged white conservative light (socially-constructed to be subconsciously read as "good" and "moral"). Take for example her copying me a couple of weeks ago by donating (on 1 April 2010, the tenth anniversary of John and I first seeing one another) to a record/book store in the music-renowned Nashville because I started an article about miracle of place in Jack Kerouac's 70 year old book On the Road and the music in it (a topic--music, books, and place--I've been writing on for a decade, in an "Americana" journal since 1997) in a draft posted 25 March 2020 from an earlier posted draft from the beginning of the shelter-in-place. At that moment Taylor was buying herself--inexpensively with a donation, and tax-deductible, no less--predictable white press only days after Kim Kardashian West (on March 24) went on-line (a woman of Armenian descent married to "a black man") to prove again that Taylor is lying and was in a "self-serving" way still manipulating social media--four years after the fact. There is also the fact of her victim stance from her own proven lie with her stating, "put me, my family and fans through hell for four years," referring to the recorded phone call--taunting what she has exactly done to me, my family, and friends for that length of time and longer on our phones and from which her "Reputation" (her "pay-back" material which she dubs as karma to throw off the actual events) title and theme come from one of those phone calls she had intercepted. Perhaps she believes that by leaving a thinly veiled trail of her transgressions, her more belligerent fans, willed toward hate which she instigates and encourages like those who threatened Scooter Braun's family without any inside knowledge (except that a board member did come forward and say that Taylor was lying and rewriting her own history) and this at Taylor's social media demand posed in an inauthentic replication of a "vulnerable" and "authentic" voice, will celebrate and attack for her getting "revenge" for her own assaults. Rolling Stone senior writer Kory Grow then, within days of Kim again showing the truth, and all of this being readily evident, dubbed Taylor the "local guardian angel." [This note added 4.15.2020.]
[4.19.2020 Taylor "emotionally" (headlines: "Taylor Swift Leads Heartfelt Performances At ‘One World’ Concert" and "Taylor Swift delivers emotional One World performance after cancelling all 2020 shows") appeared in the Global Citizen One World: Together at Home concert meant to honor front-line workers risking their lives in the global pandemic. Instead, Taylor used the opportunity to continue to harass and stalk from a global stage. She had her piano pushed up against a background of a Japanese water garden, of which I have written about in My Love Affair with Moonbeam, and here from a romantic, lonely, and fortuitous childhood memory, and she using it as her own personal reference to John. Because she is taking my "narrative" with John, during her performance she had a "shadow" of a person purposefully cross over her and leave and her "reflection" is purposefully lit to "mirror" on the piano. The song she sang is a manipulation of the intercepted texts about my mother wherein I expressed a nervousness about the outcome while my mother was in surgery in February 2014 and asked the person to "stay on the line with me" in case something happened. Rolling Stone headline reads, "Taylor Swift Delivers Moving ‘Soon You’ll Get Better’" and reports that she "quietly contributed to fans"--whom she particularly knew would go to social media with the planted details (following them herself) , and using things like the fan's inability to "stay in New York" (a reference to me), the April 1st 10th anniversary, and April Fool's Day.]
Taylor was green-lighted by this opening in social preconceptions and fueled by the misconstrued press on John protecting himself in January and February 2010 (by going uncharacteristically public with his actual girlfriends) from her false accusations and her dropping false "hints" to the press and trying to be seen with him, he doing so without producing conflict towards her (which she then falsely accused him in innuendo of sexual violation at "19" in "Dear John" using his own lyrics, but with no basis in truth--something of which all those close to John were well aware--including Katy Perry). In Taylor's outright greed, climbing, jealousy, hatred, and bent, learned social patterns, and the need to tear other artists down, she parades them for her own illusioned self-identity taking on the ones who knew the truth: John, Katy, Kanye, a list of others, and of course me. This spans twelve years of stalking, from stolen lyrics to everyday tracking and replicating every move John and I made, even into making Cats to continue to usurp Katy's KatyCats brand as Katy was a witness from the beginning and knew Taylor's ill character well. Katy's warnings to public went unheeded as she also worked to bring about a broader understanding in awareness and change and to reopen the path of the music. John's gentle and truthful words like to Rolling Stone in June 2012: "It made me feel terrible because I didn’t deserve it. I’m pretty good at taking accountability now, and I never did anything to deserve that. It was a really lousy thing for her to do," were brushed away because conflict and rage sell--and are easily contagious. Taylor made clear it was for public consumption and to fuel this, stating, "There are things that were little nuances of the relationship, little hints. Everyone will know, so I don’t really have to send out emails on this one.” Those "hints" were directly taken from my and John's social media (which is why, to stop giving her free content, both our social media were erased). Media slanted itself always towards the white-wash, even when Taylor's transgressions were and are glaring.
What Actually Happened: "A Face to Call Home"
On 4 December 2010, the first day John Mayer’s “A Face to Call Home” was posted on-line from a live performance the night before at NYC Village Underground (formerly Gerde's Folk City), the venue chosen by John for all its music history and because I had been right there in July because of both John and Bob Dylan, was the same day I was photographing a bird fountain at the old Ursuline Academy from the 1800s on the San Antonio Riverwalk, without knowing I would hear that when I got home, something so wonderful, from John that day after he had gone off-line that October. This is the fountain which would then come remarkably to life for me through Willa Cather’s novel Death Comes for the Archbishop in a trail of other-worldly events opening to realization through the art, writing, and music ever since. It was the first year of writing these ten years. Throughout this article are revelations of what was actually happening interwoven with the overall picture Taylor Swift was manipulating, able to do so because she was publicly granted that permission, and this with adulation. Taylor's lust for my "narrative" with John turned to bloodlust at the moment I wrote jokingly about John's comment on the "Joshua Tree of Vaginas" in Rolling Stone that my name from the Hebrew bible upside down contains my birth date and the numbers of the chapter and verse of Jacob's prophecy that contains my name. She wanted that kind of narrative for her leering ego and for control over John and Kanye. Her content suddenly went from merely copying and bourgeois to pointedly replicating and attack.
Taylor also knew this fanatical lust for money, fame, and attention about herself and only about little inner excessively spoiled child "ME!" who can never grow up into a full human, a kind of parasitical lechery on the realness welling up in the culture, kept her in the headlines in a society taught to believe only in the false, self-centered “heroics” of contention mentality, and in the symbol of vacuous, pointless whiteness always taking the prize, boringly year after year, a society unaware--not even caring to be aware--constricted, and afraid of anything else--even of the astounding beauty and aliveness which Black, Asian, Latino, Hispanic cultures and world cultures and religions bring--she and others like her build a wall and hide with their golden toilets (this fear-filled demise also shown in Cather's novel), while Taylor childishly attempts to block hope of change by mouthing the words she heard from others and using it endlessly for self gain. As awareness grows, however, fewer people will want abused as by her abuse and like her, Trump's blatant, open racism, misogyny, and abuse of power and wealth just because he was born into melanin-less skin. He closes everything to all other humanity. Taylor does so behind the socially-celebrated facade. Abuse won't be the learned and accepted norm. Fewer humans will want locked in Taylor's mental internal prison of lies with her with made-up headlines slipped to the press. They will want to actually live and count and be heard, have their own value, earn what they are worth, and be considered as humans and citizens by their so-called own government. Minorities disproportionately suffering and killed by the pandemic (not to mention the long history of what has killed them for centuries) because of social inequalities is directly linked to how they have endlessly both consciously and unconsciously in repeating patterns been erased in the media as humans and as having value and meaningful existences. The threads of this are woven into our minds so deeply as a given reality when it is actually hugely egregious and based on learned and believed biased assumptions. What has "value" and a claim to moral standing is white, conservative, and rich. (Even the poor are taught to believe so. As author and scholar Lee R. Edwards paraphrases Joan Didion, "The lives we live depend upon the stories we tell.") Taylor and Trump don't mind at all cashing in on this and will continue to do it every day there is unawareness. All Taylor needed to do was anything in her power to keep me quiet and unseen (it is clear I've been writing and creating ever since but I did not solicit press using the conflict, nor the miracles, nor the connection or "story" with John), she also knowing John would avoid conflict with her which she wanted for sales and headlines, and now which has included over ten years of flagrant harassment and violation.
I sustained the long-term, on-going situation not by being forced into public contention (as Taylor forced with Katy Perry, John Mayer, Harry Styles, Camilla Belle, Justin Bieber, and a long list of others, and litigation where she lied to a judge and jury based on an incident from my life), but by knowing John‘s heart, the immense love he brings, Being, and this in this moment, and coming to understand what that is, continuing to figure out the global cultural answer through writing and artists and leaders, communion with other like-Beings in spirit, and through the power of universal creation, even within reclaiming and relearning the energy of my very own body, down to even to reclaiming the "pelvic floor" grounded in Being in safety, security, and abundance, healing the flight or fight, so anciently removed from the feminine. It is both a miracle and a birthright. That is why I write.
I discovered that stunningly brilliantly beyond combat is intellect and maneuverability, metis, the exact way poetry and Muses move, the scholars show, and also sacred tricksters, Homer’s ancient epics show the path through and beyond these social constrictions and barriers in order to transform the entire old order as they go, even as the planets themselves eloquently move to it. Like the Sistine Ceiling, Cather’s novel, with the similar array of birds like the fountain coming to life, also follows suit, leading to here and now in our moment in the American Southwest and the west coast, this wonderworking immeasurably happening in my own life and the lives of these insightful and inspired artists and leaders. In the "Until Shiloh Comes" Cosmic Flow Tapestry I show all of these miracles inter-connectedly flowering to a glorious, unimaginable reconstitution and opening of reality beyond the instability of form and human patterns (as trapped as in Dante's Inferno), a realness emerging wherein the old constrictions will not even be recognized nor hopelessly, emptily sought after in an endless circle of nothingness, disappointment, and disillusionment drowning in unawareness. This movement is to be found in the art, artists, and social changes.
This is where the realness emerges. This is where the magic emerges. All the while Taylor uses all this fear-energy to manipulate the media and the culture outwardly by continually stealing other artists' work, deceiving by appearances and omission, lying, and directing and accepting all the credit socially mis-directed towards her. Her video for "Christmas Tree Farm," she hurriedly threw together because I wrote in January 2019 about coming into Being in the woods as can be seen in fairy tales in On Being: Snow White and the Emergence of Presence and the Real Poetic: Unseen Visions of "Being" in the Woods and featured a scene from a my original children's book Saffron Beatrice Sunrise and the Bunny on the Moon (Illustration copyright 2000 Lee Hauber; unpublished) in August 2019 in Hermesesque: The Grateful Universe Tapestry (Art Print) about going into the woods.
From Saffron Beatrice Sunrise and the Bunny on the Moon Illustration Copyrights Lee Hauber 2000; Copyright Shiloh Richter 2019; Published in Hermesesque: The Grateful Universe, Copyright August 2019
Taylor's version of my work is about all the purchases her family made for Christmases, ripping open things bought with money, even a guitar and an identity for her (as opposed to the many years it would take to actually learn an instrument and interiority before running out the door for fame at eleven years old, or to write something real), and an empty bought playhouse that she never actually plays in, just like her own body while she tries to live in mine, Katy's, and Madonna's, and trying to label herself "Lover" like Jessica Simpson has most eloquently proven herself to be in a radiance of ways. Discussed later, her chosen footage also mimics the opening sequence of my independent film. Ironically, Taylor's idea of the woods also lends itself to harming the planet in cutting down trees, just as she cuts off her own energy, unable to even know what it is while she steals from everyone else.
© 2019 Shiloh Richter in On Being
A personal note and autograph from naturalist writer Ann Zwinger to me in 1991 (near the time when John as beginning to learn the guitar) about the Aspen groves we were discussing while visiting at a Western Literature Association conference in the mountains and woods of Estes Park outside of Denver, CO; Denver is where Taylor went to lie in the trial against DJ David Mueller using what happened to me in 2011 (details below) and prior in my work.
Taylor took my artwork that is now on the cover of On Being in 2011 for her perfume campaign (images below). She did it again to Katy and her KatyCats from Katy's perfume:
Katy Perry Purr Perfume, 2010
Katy Perry Purr Perfume, 2010
Katy Perry, Teenage Dream (2010) © Capitol Records
Katy Perry, Prism (2013) © Capitol Records
Katy Perry Spring Reign Perfume 2015
In Taylor giving herself the title "Miss Americana" she steals from Katy's tireless work in the 2016 presidential election to get an over-qualified, life-long preparing female elected president. Katy did it with her whole heart and openly took the risk of entering politics for a female leader. The very next year Taylor made herself the poster child of sexual harassment by lying. She then went on to taunt that I would not speak up about her crimes against me, telling an audience, "This is the day the jury sided in my favor and said that they believed me [emphasis mine] [ . . . ] I guess I just think about all the people that weren’t believed and the people who haven’t been believed, and the people who are afraid to speak up because they think they won’t be believed,” Swift said, as reported in Time magazine.
From On Being:
"The evidence clearly shows that Taylor Swift has mind-dominated for conflict-based dollars (learned from her money-grubbing, greedy [parents willing to lie and pander with her]) by forcing the false past on the social mind, fiercely trying to keep it there--separating and imposing a false hierarchy--while promising a non-existent future of which there can be no resolution for her mind-made self, while all the while Joni Mitchell has, for seven decades, spoken the truth out of the realness of her Being, a true Songstress and Bard, even speaking for the planet itself. Her spirit emerged when truth was to be spoken, held no personal image to be tied to it, and it is innate of her character, a mind that is naturally informed from Being. Joni's connectedness to all things is apparent, she feels it, and her feelings are palpable through her countenance and her voice, while Eckhart describes the very fundamental break in our culture's vision for blame, violence, "bad blood," and so forth, across millennia: 'Separation is the basis for the ego's sense of identity' (The Power of Now 81)."
The lies are never-ending based on what is happening with John or with me. Taylor told the media she is spending "time with her mother," (the history of her repeating what happens with my mother is discussed later) who has conspicuously developed a brain tumor now that I am writing about my dad passing, and time with her "family," due to the fact that I do not contact my mother or my family because Taylor has paid to have all the lines tapped by hackers for years on end to hurt John and invade his private life, undermine Katy for protecting him and me, invade my life, and also get back at Kanye and Kim for exposing her. In 2018 my mother had texted me a picture after a horrible fall and head injury after going to the hospital, which is where the "brain tumor" story developed--my mom had a pearl lodged into her eyebrow which the doctor had to remove. It is Taylor secretive way of taunting John and also me because of my writing to him. She has sold our "narrative" to the public for over ten years beginning when she began tracking John in 2008 and before. I have had to live every step avoiding her.
Taylor is not actually reading from her childhood journals in her manipulative "documentary," as she did not actually have journal entries to release with "Lover." It is made up. She is doing this because I wrote to John early on (and she began to put journals in her imagery) that I had burned all my childhood journals when they got unwelcomingly read by a guy and I felt violated by this when he quoted them back to me. I read them over to remember them, then burned them. I realize now there was also a very negative environment where I did the same thing to myself, figuratively speaking. I continued to write journals (and essays and scripts) from since then, including from Paris in the early 2000s writing the screenplays and ideas Taylor took from my writing to John about them.
And so this is going to be a long list and discussion of evidence of what has actually been happening with Taylor Swift for the past ten + years in her complete lies and manipulation and the media's and public's congratulatory white-washing of it.
Taylor is pretending to have a "secret" relationship with Joe Alwyn in her "documentary" because of forcing a "relationship" with John:
It is not a documentary as she is actually just copying everyone to "get back at them," like at Kanye for having himself filmed and Kim exposing her phone call. This is why she radically targets my family behind the scenes, because they are the easiest to target without them having security like celebrities and also refusing to live as such in having to guard privacy. She also does it to continually taunt John and me and to copy us both word for word and to try to check that I am not in person with John with whom she has had an an abnormal, unhealthy and compulsive preoccupation for over twelve years. This fixation includes anyone associated with John, and obsessively she has affixed herself to the ideas of Katy, Kanye, Kim Kardashian West, Beyoncé, Lana Del Rey (compare Lana's video for "Doin' Time" to Taylor's later lyric video for "The Man," for example), Rihanna, among a list of others who, when they made moves to protect John or expose her act to the public, they became the public targets of extreme mental aggression. This is not a normal situation in any way, although it is normalized in the media, and behind the scenes it is abominable, one likely about paranoid, borderline, anti-social, and narcissistic personality disorders, Taylor playing it out flagrantly on the people involved and the public. That is for the experts to say, but I can show what has happened. I can show this extreme fixation that has no empathy, even for her fans, even for terminally ill fans, and that she relentlessly seeks and solicits "attention and praise" (Psychology Today). I have dealt with her psychotic aggression for ten years. I did not know her, she found me on-line when I wrote a comment to John in 2010. I was immediately sought out as an "enemy" and easy target as John was the one she was tracking and selling. These patterns did not begin with John or with me, as they can be seen in her stance in all her early "songs" in plagiarism, copyright infringement, abuse, and aggression, even directly towards females, which she then just transferred to and associates with John and his friends and colleagues, the difference from the past pattern being that John and Kanye were now the case for the biggest, most valuable story available (abnormal appetite for attention and praise and inserting herself, let alone the money she can then buy herself more press and status) right at a time she became the center of focus at the end of 2009 at the VMAs, and thus he and Kanye became the intensified target of her attack.
In her "documentary" Taylor is wearing a wedding ring not because she has a relationship, but because of the ring I wear in the video for Apocalypse of the Heart / "Something Like Olivia," (see website slideshow) and trying to "marry" herself to the stalking of John, something she also did in the pages of September 2019 Vogue posing as a "wave" because of John's song "Emoji of a Wave" and with a string tied to her ring finger because of his lyrics 'Will you tie me up in tiny strings of paradise?" in "Waiting on the Day," trying to signify that she as the "wave" of trouble will never let him pass. As John writes, "Oh, honey, it's just a wave." Likely, too, he is referencing Katy playing a darling, kittenish, innocent on "How I Met Your Mother."
Katy on International Women's Day, 8 March 2020
View this post on Instagram
If: Breaking the Australian record for attendance of a women’s sporting event @billiejeanking 🎾 Sexy 🏏 bats and 🤰🏼 ...don’t say #InternationalWomensDay, I don’t know what does 💗 Thanks to all the incredible people that came out to celebrate WOMEN and all their elements on Sunday in Melbourne at the @mcg. Women are not just one thing💋
I had reblogged an image privately on Tumblr from the years the account was hacked of a dress and writing that it looked like water to me: Street style photograph of Sarah Rutson reblogged on Tumblr
She also wears this at the 57th Grammys photographed with Kanye (shown in video below)
Katy Perry's Tsunami 10 ft Wave Machine Alex Israel for her Witness Tour Launch, 2017
In her "documentary" Taylor is saying she is a "Tennessee Christian," of course, because of Kanye going to Chicago, his home town, and now having his Sunday Services. She went public as Democrat only after he went public with Republicans and after reading my work in September 2018 on politics and the Homeric epics.
Taylor Grift and the appropriation of black women’s work (2019)
"Taylor Swift, a blonde woman who sings songs, opened Wednesday’s Billboard Music awards with a live rendition of her new single ME! It was a very pink, very poppy performance and, in many eyes, it was also very plagiarized."
The actress in the commercial is Margaret Qualley and I had written to John about a magazine cover from InStyle August 1995 with Andie MacDowell in Montana (holding Margaret) that I had kept for years because I thought it was beautiful, and then uncanny because it was Montana where John bought property:
The video is very much premeditated intellectual property violation corroborated in the other direct offences in mimicking John and the note he lies down at the bar in his "Half of My Heart" video in New York City released on 1 June 2010, and my actual magical trip to New York in July 2010 where I visited historical places (like she replicates in this video, but now moving it to Los Angeles where John had moved), and where Taylor viewed herself as being treated as "invisible" while she stalked on-line, but certainly still personally embedding herself--even though John had laid down the note ("I can't stop loving you") on the bar and left in the video, and eight days later on 9 June 2010 Taylor still trying to permanently attach herself by getting it placed in the media at the CMT Awards. The next step was to assume my identity so that --she thought--I could never step into the media and say what she had done, and she assign me her role as stalker, on-line stealing her ideas, even though she herself was copying John and I had registered and copyrighted my work. And so eight years later in 2018 she is still giving details of my identity as her own, as the places she replicates for the "Delicate" video released on 11 March 2018 are references to John and to me. As John leaves in the video to "go to me" (as I was communicating on-line, on my own blog, so that if he wanted to read it, he could come), the bar becomes in her video the "Golden Gopher." I had written to John about the many years of going to "Joe's Garage" (like the Frank Zappa album) in Ft. Worth because it was so much like where he played "Eddie's Attic." And so in the "Delicate" video it becomes her "Joe's Deli," conspiring to give herself the biography with John, and making it "Golden" because I had written I was "looking for a heart of gold" (from Neil Young). While she does this she's creeping around invisible--very much hiding it from the public AND getting away with Kenzo's intellectual property in full view, thus arrogantly highlighting what she was getting away doing to both John and to me, while purposefully thwarting what is suggested of the cover of the InStyle Magazine with Andie MacDowell in Montana holding a baby Margaret, which has now grown into a sick Taylor Swift instead, showing she has full knowledge of what she's appropriating and why she is appropriating it. Then it is hidden behind "soft" words like "delicate," and a carrying forward of the public "romance" without John's personal consent and hiding that in an unwelcome line of questioning, "Is it cool that I said all that?/ Is it chill that you're in my head?/ 'Cause I know that it's delicate (delicate)/ Is it cool that I said all that/ Is it too soon to do this yet?" when it is already forced public by the very release of the video. How far off is this from Harvey Weinstein saying behind a closed door, "Just think of the fun things we could do / 'Cause I like you . . . Do the girls back home touch you like I do?" just as Taylor hides what she does from the public but harasses and invades nonetheless behind a social mirage and a power base with which to commit the acts?
Taylor pries into John's intellectual property from his Born & Raised "Whiskey, Whiskey, Whiskey," a song in which he walks through New York City after his reputation has been tarnished, a biographical detail she assumes--hers was not from misjudgment, as John's was, from which he later said he was being a jerk and apologized on several occasions, even stating he was a "recovering ego addict," but hers was from being exposed in a lie--this being truth and not a "reputation," but a revelation of character, which she rejected outright as "character assassination" (and then promptly went back to tapping my phones); it was what she was hiding and very angry that it came out, but she's still determined to be John, and so she assumes his biography is hers to do with as she likes (having "gone away" for a few brief months just as I was moving to registering copyrights and publishing and she didn't know what I would do and therefore stayed out of the public for the moment--and after the public was catching on to her fake, staged photographs with "boyfriends" (they all were staged, from the beginning)--before very quickly releasing Reputation after hearing me on the phone talk about having gone away to New Mexico away from family for a couple of years) and trying to act like she really had gone away, like John had, for a couple of years of reflection in now making her version of his life as hers in "Delicate." She takes John's softer tone and mimics his introspection of Born & Raised where he has goes through the rite of passage of growing up after what he's done and is facing what has happened in his lyrics when he sings, "Whiskey, whiskey, whiskey / Water, water, water / Sleep / Dreamed somebody missed me / Wake up, shake it off / And repeat it, repeat it, repeat after me." I was the one "missing" him that he had the "dream" about, as Taylor assumes each personal detail as she lurks around and she sings, prying again into intimate spaces, "Sometimes I wonder when you sleep / Are you ever dreaming of me?" After many times writing John about being in a place of letting things go (I was reading books on enlightenment and sharing them with him, the things I show in My Love Affair with Moonbeam), I had written a Tumblr post in July 2010, after getting back from the trip to New York that Taylor is referencing, called "Catching the Moon with a Butterfly Net" wherein I wrote:
"I’ve kept a secret my whole life because I wanted to protect it from the world that would tear it apart. (They tear apart everything beautiful. The good news about that is that it makes it stronger.) They’ll call you a lesbian or delusional. Sometimes you believe they might be right. I’ve been waiting on someone of pure gold that I knew existed. I just had no idea where. I had no idea how to find him. I’ve looked for him in so many faces. We moved around every few years, but once I discovered he wasn’t there, I was always ready to go. I would drop everything and go. I hated it when the boys would kiss me and I knew it was a waste of time. They all said I was just too picky and thought too highly of myself. They just didn’t understand—I had to go. It’s what the new screenplay I’ve been writing is about: a girl is born with [wings] and tries to cover them up, wrap them up, keep them hidden from the world and fit in best she can. So, if I haven’t said before that I’ve been waiting for you, it is because I’ve learned not to say it out loud. I’ve waited in silence. Until now. There is never a reason to ask if you should come, every breath has been about waiting for you." [emphasis added]
I was going through a long process of learning to step out of people's judgments because it had caused me a great deal of bad choices trying to satisfy people and tremendous pain. As Taylor assumes playing the character of me from my writing, she takes on his words to be about her, too, as when John sings, "But when I really start to break it down / I wouldn't trust a girl who knew about this place." Taylor tries to prove in song and video that she does "know about this place," when actually, she doesn't. Her version of "knowing" about it is stalking to find personal details and then rushing to make them public as a false identity. The actuality is a long, hard release of all identity of what people see you as and what you have thought is true of yourself, and going through the crushing place of finding out what it means to actually step out of all that judgment, which can tear apart every relationship you ever had. Part of that hard process Taylor falsely assumes while she quirkily dances around, flips her wrists, and tosses her head in ripping the ideas and lyrics for "Shake it Off" from "Whiskey, Whiskey, Whiskey" and "Shadow Days": "Had a tough time, got a rough start / But I finally learned to let it go / Now I'm right here, and I'm right now," John's excruciating process of being loved and then spit out by the media, which she also assumes as her public narrative while she was handed endless globs of unadulterated attention and awards with zero introspection, and none required by them. None of it was enough for her as John continued to survive and I kept writing.
As for the "secret note" handed to her in the "Delicate" video, Taylor was desperate to make the "story" of John and I "secretly communicating" a story about her and John. John never responded directly to me, but in her mind it gave her the added "threat" of "exposing" him in some way (made up, whatever she wanted to tell the public) so that she could keep the "relationship" going indefinitely with the threats. There was nothing to "expose": I am a private person who did not rush to the media in 2010 when she began this--which Taylor calculated as a weakness and vulnerability. I write, I live alone, I live a life on my own. But there was personal value in it for her for a "public story." And so she assumed all aspects of this between John and I. She paid to have all my social media hacked continuously to find out how there was communication, who I was following, even adding herself into it by writing on fake accounts, even claiming on a fake account, going into crazy detail, of having spent the night with John the first night I saw him, and attacking special occasions where I had seen a concert.
And so the "secret note" in the video was the daily stalking of John's social media and immediately imitating it in some way to always let him know she was on his trail and she was never letting up ("On. Repeat. Til. The. End. Of. Time‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️❗️@haimtheband," she tweeted in reference to the release of Haim's song "Want You Back" that carried her message, while pretending to be supporting the artists, "she paused the song 13 seconds in" (Refinery29)), and thus having a "secret communication." She also did this with Katy's "Never Really Over" by adding it to her Apple playlist, and all the other times as pure harassment, with the media immediately assuming "good." If John talked about his Golden Eagle guitar, Taylor immediately went public the same week with taking a falconer class, to harass him and to document publicly the "communication." She would wear the same colors, try to go to the same places, repeat his words as her own, without fail. When she had found my writing about coyote, she went and got photographed going to the "Spotted Pig" in New York, for example, and would book an interview to repeat my or John's words to "document" it publicly as her own. While "Delicate" was released on 11 March 2018, more than a year earlier is the anger and invasion to any length in the "I Don't Wanna Live Forever" video from 26 January 2017 with Zayn.
John had Cautious Clay on his Sunday night show Current Mood on 21 October 2018 to sing his "Cold War," and according to Cautious Clay in Rolling Stone, after he met Jack Antonoff while out with John in Los Angeles one night in 2019, suddenly in the night right before Taylor released Lover he got a call to approve her sampling the same song, his "Cold War," and it being only the second time Taylor had done such in her single-minded monologue to repeat to the microscopic everything John does or doesn't do.
On John's recording of Any Given Thursday recorded and filmed during John's 2002 Room for Squares tour, he plays segments from two songs, Cyndi Lauper's "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" (1983) and "Let's Hear it for the Boy" (Footloose, 1984) interpolated into his "83" medley. The live album/DVD also contains performances of The Police/Sting's "Message in a Bottle" ("a story of a castaway on an island, who sends out a message in a bottle to seek love") and Stevie Ray Vaughan's "Lenny" (1983) ("the tenth and final track on the first Stevie Ray Vaughan album Texas Flood) (wikivisually.com). I had written to John about uncanny connections to these things: I was a preacher's daughter, lived in a very confining and judgmental very small town at the time, and the first movie I was allowed to go see there when I was 14 without parental guidance was Footloose. The album got taken away when my parents heard "Dancing in the Sheets," even though I had no idea what that was at 14. I was still years later singing "Holding out for a Hero." There was the connection with Tom Hanks and the highways in Castaway, and of course I was sending John messages. I also lived near where SRV lived when he wrote "Lenny" about his wife in 1983, and which was the name of one of his guitars. And now there was a connection to Texas Flood. I had mentioned "I'm Too Sexy" to John in my writing. I wrote about these things because there was joy in the discoveries. And so to tie herself to this, Taylor also needed two samples, "I'm Too Sexy" from 1984, and then something to directly tie her to John in the public eye, Cautious Clay's "Cold War."
According to Clay, this meeting is the only way he had had any contact or of knowing how or why Taylor contacted him. For Taylor, however, it was a way to permanently place herself having come across John that night and to also replicate what he had done on his show. About this meeting Antonoff, Clay told Rolling Stone:
"'I knew who he was, but I didn’t know if he knew who I was,' says Clay, whose real name is Josh Karpeh. 'I didn’t think anything of it.' Karpeh introduced himself briefly to Antonoff as “Josh” and then stood quietly as Mayer and Antonoff briefly chatted. 'It’s the only thing I can put two and two together on,' says Karpeh, who co-wrote Mayer’s latest single “Carry Me Away.”"
On 16 August 2018 Clay had tweeted, "Me and @johnmayer wrote a banger last night."
By putting Clay on her album release, she was also lining herself up in early 2019 for she and John to have releases with the same artist. She did the same with doing a remix of "Lover" with Shawn Mendes after Shawn appeared live with John in 2017 at John's show in Toronto, and then them having played together again in 2018 for Apple Music, and Shawn appearing on his Current Mood, and she stating at that moment she "wanted it to be her wedding song."
Shawn Mendes, album artwork, Columbia Records, RCA Records, Republic Records, Right Hand Music Group & Sony Music Entertainment
I had also written about Shawn, who had recorded "In My Blood" (like Justin Bieber's soulful, soul-opening Changes and John's song "Changing"), a lineage to John's "In the Blood," in the Tapestry in talking about music lineage and in reference to Sandro Bottecelli's burst of Spring (appearing in earlier drafts, I removed Shawn's album artwork for final publishing). John had purposefully opened music to younger artists as it had been opened to him with the likes of B.B. King and Eric Clapton, and now Dead and Company, something of which I write about in Tapestry and Coyote, and thus opening the flow of the sacred (The Ritual Process mentioned above), and so Taylor replicated John in this at the 2019 AMAs by placing herself between Carole King (who recorded Tapestry, Taylor trying to copy me minutely) and Halsey, who had appeared on John's Current Mood, and Camila Cabello, Shawn's girlfriend, and who also appeared on Current Mood via Instagram with Shawn, and an outstanding artist in her own right, and described as Shawn's love to show the connection of why Taylor included her, because of the connection to, tracking, and repetition of John.
[Note 2.12.2020: After I wrote this section on "Delicate" on 2.11.2020, Netflix posted a 4:22 segment on YouTube about Taylor's "documentary" talking about her "creative/writing process," to "discuss the magic of capturing her songwriting sessions on film." Taylor pointedly states how sad it would be not to have a products of one's work--the very thing she his guilty of trying to stop me for the past ten years by invading the copyrights and in raiding everyone's work, and what she neurotically taunts about, her delusion that she is stopping my work, her ten-year "threat." She's also trying to [but very vaguely] document where her ideas come from and a creative process:
"I'd first get an idea, and I'd be like, Yes! Idea! And then I'd get this fear, and almost sorrow that no one was ever going to hear it. I'm never going to get to make this into something. It's just mine and there's something cute about that, but like, I want to make something. Getting to capture on films, you know, getting an idea, that's one thing I'm glad I'll have, um, forever, I'll always have kind of a memory of when that idea happened, that idea happened, I'd never had that before, anyway, it's good [she tells the filmmaker] that we both get to make things now. [laughs] " [emphasis mine on things obviously not true for her and referencing my starting to make the film Apocalypse of the Heart in 2010 and the music video in 2012, pointedly threatening "no one is ever going to hear it."]
Because Taylor also mimics Queen Elizabeth, Duchess Kate Middleton, and Duchess Meghan Markle because of what I have written about the history of women in the English royalty, she is wearing houndstooth 1.23.2020 like that Queen Elizabeth was wearing only four days earlier on Sunday, 1.19.2020 after "Buckingham Palace and Queen Elizabeth II released statements about Prince Harry and Meghan Markle's decision to step back from their royal duties."]
[Note 2.13.2020: This speaks for itself, her split personality, as an automatic response to what I'm writing: Taylor still stalking and having her delusional, shrouded in secrecy conversation. "Taylor Swift Jokes . . . "]
[Two days after I published on these dates:
My Love Affair with Moonbeam: Ten + Years of Wonder, Bursting Love and Creativity, 11 September 2018
'Until Shiloh Comes Comes' Cosmic Flow Tapestry, 12 September 2018
Coyote Weaves a Song: A Mythological Song from the Beginning of Time, Volume I, 15 September 2018
Coyote Weaves a Song: A Mythological Song from the Beginning of Time, Volume II, 19 September 2018
Taylor profusely gushed on Instagram how one should see the movie A Simple Favor, with her financial adviser father sitting next to her in the "getaway" car.]
[After I posted the previous note, on 2.17.2020 Taylor released a story timed as a response of her dad "fighting off an intruder," always framing herself as the victim and her dad as the money man.]
© Shiloh Richter
Photos posted privately for John on 22 September 2013, which Taylor got from hacking later
A bracelet I made for John with the words "Come Home" in the early years (some of it I ordered hand-made)
© Shiloh Richter
Taylor replicates these in Zayn's video in 2017 (closer to after she had hacked the intimate photos) with her vehemently breaking the mirror with the lyrics "until you come back home." (ZAYN, Taylor Swift, "I Don’t Wanna Live Forever" from Fifty Shades Darker © 2017 Universal Studios)
And so when Taylor wiped her social media content clean in 2017, yes, it was a snake trying to shed its skin when it was about to launch its Repetition album and tour, but it came within days, within even a day, of me filing the copyright for documenting my photos, blog posts, communication to John, and writing in My Love Affair with Moonbeam: Ten+ Years of Wonder, Bursting Love and Creativity, and in which I had provided dates for everything, and it would have been able to be compared side by side more readily, and also as her stalking had matched John's posts following immediately after his sometimes within hours, sometimes the next day, but always without fail. This was followed immediately the next month by the textbook narcissism ("it's your fault, you piece of shit, you made me abuse you, never mind that I have a pattern of being incredibly abusive, I'm Taylor Swift") while pointing the gun at Kim, Kanye, Katy, et al, and trying to turn the documentation around at who was lying, when clearly it was Taylor--but more, the anger was because the evidence showed really what she had been doing to John and me, and of course, Kanye, as she tried to continually drown him in the backlash media. What Kim showed was a small insight into it, with now Taylor pointedly acting like Kim deserved to have her life threatened and be tied-up in a bathroom because of her jewels, never to see her infant children again, and Katy deserved to be in an intense car wreck because she had been exposed. Her speech after that for accepting the 2016 Album of the Year Grammy for 1989 after she performed about John and I in "Out of the Woods" was to say exactly what she was guilty of:
"I want to say to all the young women out there: there will people along the way who will try to undercut your success or take credit for your accomplishments or your fame . . ."
And so this "loving" mess (supposedly loving John) was followed immediately by "Ready for It?" stolen from Katy's "Dark Horse," which, too, is where Taylor lifts the cats and the snakes and even the little fluffy puppy she turns into a kitten in "ME!", to offer the predatory lyrics straight from John's "Assassin": "Knew he was a killer first time that I saw him / Wonder how many girls he had loved and left haunted / But if he's a ghost, then I can be a phantom." She then turns it back to sexual harassment, now that she's a "phantom" in the room, clearly not welcome in the room or the door would have been opened, of which it was not, and sings "I see nothing better, I keep him forever / Like a vendetta-ta," the very thing Kim's predators had done, tying her up. This is John Mayer, a world-class guitarist, being stalked by a person given public access to him, the choice not even his. This isn't even all before the so-called "Delicate" video was released.
The public-at-large wasn't putting enough stock into what Kim was showing, the importance seeming to be only pop culture, and so there was time and platform for Taylor to keep up the invasion of John's personal life and career, constantly throwing threats. Her impersonating became an all-out insane-fest of stolen lyrics and images (as from Kanye's "Stronger" in "End Game" which she had also copied in "Bad Blood," and copying his video for "Coldest Winter" in "Out of the Woods," a small sample of what she has appropriated from him) in her singles and videos released to both threaten the artists, erase their work, and put herself on "top"--an intensification of what she had been doing since 2009, especially first to Kanye and John, when she realized the public, as to her manipulative SNL "Monologue Song" testing the waters, had granted her access based on her appearance to take down music, artists, and other humans, then, in this line, to invade personal and professional boundaries (even draping her body on professionals in photos like she owns them), and that meant intellectual property even very early on, and then hacking, too, immediately when I went to private on-line, to force maintain where she was getting her material and the story in her head that she was selling daily. Strangely, these actual humans, masterful work, and industry of humans living and working now belonged, in her mind, to her limitless greed.
I was ready to publish two books in 2017, documenting what I had already done and an actual existence of writing and creating that was copied by Taylor as her own, and a wild, new exploration of a lineage of art and literature with resounding implications in the here and now, as she knew from my phone calls, and so this was one reason for her torrent of releases and huge push to lay public claim to John and to my life and words then. I held off (while writing what would become the additional chapters to Volume II of Coyote and the Tapestry) until September 2018, upon the publication of which she immediately engaged copying--in "Delivering a pre-taped video to Good Morning America" on 2 October 2018 and later added on Instagram just like my profile picture on Fine Art America and YouTube,
and dressing in an outfit that I wore while with my nieces while visiting San Antonio and even replicating the background setting in that we were at La Madeleine, with even their phones and cameras invaded. Her post came just two weeks later,
La Madeleine, San Antonio, 27 May 2019 with family (not pictured); I had on a white cotton blouse, blue jeans, and had a jeans jacket with me
Accidental shot of the ceiling, shown because Taylor even replicated the lighting showing that she wasn't just hacking pictures, but watching and listening (as she has so often done to me) via app on the phones as they sat on the table.
Wood and brick
and this to publicly launch her video "You Need to Calm Down" wherein she acts out frenziedly burning down my old, remodeled RV, getting Katy to dress up in her hamburger outfit from the Met Gala to attempt to use her, taking up the LGBTQ platform for cover, while also suggesting she could outdo the Queen of England.
My old RV with Moonbeam and Custard hanging out the window; I repainted the outside by hand
My remodeled RV kitchen
The RV couch I recovered in faux white leather
Moonbeam looking out RV Window, Evening
When I told my mom on the phone (in a tapped conversation and one recorded by me for documentation) in October 2018 that I had installed a security camera on my front porch (mainly I wanted to watch bears), Taylor within moments took to Instagram to feature herself standing on a porch or deck.
When Taylor briefly got my phone hacked again, I was taking a selfie with the Mona Lisa print hanging on the wall behind me. Taylor immediately went to Instagram and posted a photo of herself with a picture hanging behind her.
She was stealing and forcefully responding while still on tour, and suddenly she became a voter-activist (I published mid-September 2018, in one month, by 17 October 2018 she had her new agenda). I went on writing and wrote On Being, published in January 2019, she knowing it was an exposé, and showing how other artists were "world-transformative," and suddenly she was a gay rights proponent and every headline from her was about feminism. She also realized what the Grateful Dead, and now Dead & Company, stood for in values such as voting and she needed to keep up with John. Because my dad had unexpectedly passed in January, now Taylor's Time Magazine cover about her ultimate feminism was an angelic Taylor lit by heaven, taking even from Katy's Teenage Dream, while wearing a heart-shaped stone--just as I was carving the heart-shaped stone for my dad. She told People Magazine it was the year she found her "true joy," then backtracked later saying it was her hardest because of her mom as she tried to match her story to what was happening in my life, and added her mom having a brain tumor. It was also so that she could have manipulative content in her very untruthful "documentary," to repeat my identity, have a platform like Kim's and Beyoncé's, and where she has her "boyfriend" stay just out of view for "privacy" so that she can still mimic publicly having her "secret relationship" with John by marrying herself to the situation and calling herself Miss Grateful Dead, or "Miss Americana."
From My Love Affair with Moonbeam:
In her out pour of hate in 2015 centered around what was happening with Katy being with John, Taylor released the video for "Style" capitalizing on Harry Styles' name on 13 February 2015, pointedly a week after John hosted The Late, Late Show and where he interviewed Katy's dancing sharks and got a live Katycat tattoo, sight unseen, hand-drawn by Ed Sheeran. In "Style" Taylor continues to try to be the "curse" to both John and I that she envisions as herself with broken pieces of mirror, again trying to smash private photos.
(The mirror is right behind this, in other photos, not shown)
And so Taylor also features the necklace in the video, with mine matching John's before I knew he had had one years before.
Photo source unknown
Her video opens with a shot that was on the cover of this journal, BSW, at that time:
And with imagery that I had reblogged of nature superimposed on the female, an idea I was forwarding in the writing, with nature and the female running through all my writing.
Always the red lips because of my favorites colors, John's SRV guitar, and things I had reblogged on Tumblr early on, with Taylor trying to replace John's lips with her own as the "curse" in the video, that where his face was, was her face; if he was driving away, her face was in the rear view mirror, the "take me home" coming from the bracelet, too, which ends up in "Lover" with her still asking him to take her home.
Tumblr Reblog, Source Unknown
Image source unknown
Photo Source Unknown
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"Harper's Bazaar UK Model: Barbara Palvin Photographer: Jonas Bresban Editorial Fall Winter 2012"
Tumblr Reblog, Source Unknown
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My private Tumblr reblogs from that time;
Images of writing that Taylor began replicating, as in a Coke commercial to show how people would repeat her words like she was repeating mine:
Tumblr Reblog, Source Unknown
Tumblr Reblog, Source Unknown
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John's handwritten "My Stupid Mouth"
John Mayer Continuum Liner Notes
John Mayer Continuum Liner Notes "This is What My Heart Looks Like"
John heads into the studio (wearing his bird necklace before Taylor uses it on the cover of 1989)
And other images became "her" ideas:
Tumblr Reblog, Source Unknown
Tumblr Reblog, Source Unknown
Image Source PeacenLovenCupcakes on Etsy
Image Source PeacenLovenCupcakes on Etsy
Tumblr Reblog, Source Unknown
Tumblr Reblog, Source Unknown
Tumblr Reblog, Source Unknown
Tumblr Reblog, Source Unknown
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Tumblr Reblog, Source Unknown
This became Taylor's "Not a Lot going On in the Moment" for the "22" video (while also referencing her stalking and hiding it)
Tumblr Reblog, Source Unknown
I posted these with the children after I had made "Until I Was Seven" in 2010 which Taylor then copied in the video for "Everything Has Changed" (lyrics are mine as well, shown below)
Tumblr Reblog, Source Unknown
After I reblogged this ad on Tumblr from Ralph Lauren Taylor came out with the song as a duet with Ed Sheeran
My Tumblr post of the sweater I wore the first night John and I saw each other:
Taylor wearing a sweater like it to perform the song with Ed Sheeran on Britain's Got Talent in June 2013:
The first time I ever wrote to John, replying to his Tumblr post on 27 April 2010:
Taylor targets this date by releasing "ME!" on 26 April 2019 (the video using my work and all the references to John); (I had changed the above Thomas Wolfe quote to be female and she immediately began taking that stance and the work.)
JustJared.com reports, "Fans noticed that 'next chapter' is a significant part of Taylor‘s song “The Story of Us”… a song that just so happens to be 4:26 in length."
In "Miracles at Isleta" I write where Taylor's idea and title for "story of us" came from:
"Before I left the ranch for New Mexico, in that Spring 2010 during John's Battle Studies Tour, I wrote to John on my blog (aware that he was reading it) about how my youngest niece had visited the ranch and as she walked in the door she exclaimed with excitement, “Let’s read ‘You and Me, the Story!’” What she was referring to is that I had children’s books I had reviewed for Books of the Southwest, and the previous time she had been there I read her a book, Do Princesses Where Hiking Boots? by Carmela LaVigna Coyle, and had changed the story to be about me and her as I was reading, changing it to our names. She didn’t remember the real name of the book at that moment, but the experience had captured her as the words were alive. I told John about what she had said, about the “story of us,” and had even asked him to tell me the story of me and him as it had so hard captured me in its unfolding that spring and summer."
Taylor believes, and has believed for the past ten years, that in getting rid of me that somehow John would be hers, and if he didn't agree, she would take him down. She believes if she makes me bleed and suffer enough, like stealing my life's work and ability to earn a living on it, I'll get out of John 's life, as she put it in one magazine "leave the [my own] table." Because I was ignoring her and what she was doing as if it didn't matter, she became increasingly blatant, as if Speak Now had not been unscrupulous enough in concocting a completely false storyline and publicity for a stolen album which she kept repeating she had "written all by herself," egregiously taking credit for my writing to the public while slamming John with an untrue story which everyone believed (except his friends who knew it wasn't true). She thought it made it hers then. This included getting disingenuous and unabashed with fans and what she said to the media, always gauging just how far she can push what she was doing, monitoring expressions of extremely emotional, dedicated fans or the reactions of news hosts to see what they were letting her by with, but pushing it enough to make sure I and John saw it and realized what she was doing to my work and writing and to his. Then, she surmised, John would be single. That's why she was sociopathically aggressive to change the lyrics of "A Face to Call Home" to her "Blank Space"--because John had already said he had "inked me in," and so to her, if that is the case, she's got a blank space for me and she's written me in to permanently harass me and him as much as anyone can be harassed and vowing never to stop.
Because my writing to John became also to his friends in the industry, to the artists, and writing with a certainty on it because I had studied and contemplated it for decades, the power of popular culture as mythology and how literature, mythology, and symbols work in culture, John and these friends were showing an implementation of it in astoundingly beautiful ways. The certainty for the writing would come when I would realize what the ancients were saying, a strange gift I had had with literature all my life, seeing into its implications, the patterns of puzzle pieces creating the whole. As one can see, I was very deep into the writing, as I had always been (it is not even a level of thinking, it's a deep contemplation, an engrossed, inspired meditative state), but now writing to John, one of the best and most talented bards of all time and his really insightful, open, and distinguished friends and world-class artists, as well as trying to find my own way. Those two paths came closer and closer together with me having to relinquish being accepted into that community in person, paid for, or openly credited for my work. That was a mental breakdown, even when I understood its role as Penelope that could not be done another way. I would have to pay the price personally. I lived on $1000 a month for most of the years of this. When 1989 came out referencing the year I graduated from high school, I remember being in the store getting ingredients for a pot of soup, and with Taylor's cut-out prideful image by the check-out lines stealing the bird artwork on the cover, and I went and put back a bag of carrots in case I didn't have enough to pay for it. This also translated to Taylor as further opportunity to exploit me as well as to begin to further exploit the other artists involved. It made it funnier to her to then take on the false pretense in the public of looking out for artists' rights (the basis of this taken from my work) in talking about streaming money. And so as Taylor drove in the screw further with each and every action directed towards punishing me and John for me being in John's life, and the range to the friends and stakes grew. I knew in the writing, by 2014, when my family fell apart to not speaking and I went into the writing the deepest I had ever gone, really a life long dream and necessity, that I was on to something beyond extraordinary in the literature and ceremony and insight into it. There was no way I could stop at that point, and it was the first time I stood up to my family about what I was doing and kept going on my own, even with the unwavering very harsh judgment. I knew John wasn't coming because he was with Katy, and it would take years to heal and accept that, even when I knew Katy had in many ways befriended me and was protecting me, but never crossed the line into person. And so while some might think how wildly exciting to see Beyoncé, Nicki Minaj, Ariana, Reece Witherspoon, Coldplay, U2, One Direction, Demi Lovato, Miley Cyrus, Dead & Company, Frank Ocean, among other phenomenal minds and artists involved in your work, it was beautiful and horribly crushing. As Mooji would say, I was gifted silence, solitude, and poverty. The gifts were spiritual and priceless and influxed into the art and artists themselves for me to see.
Taylor to me was manic and insane, but I could even make sense of it in the play of the mythology. As I explained above, I was not in any shape to personally take on another extremely abusive, damaged person. I did beg for help from John and the others, but as one can imagine, what was at stake and what was happening on a grander scale was way bigger than what was happening to me. Also, we were all claimants on what was being replicated, stolen and sold by Taylor and contorted in the public eye. Taylor's anger and therefore sociopathic intrusion spread to anyone involved because they were in a sense documenting my work--I recognized it--and they were protecting John from her. She was constantly threatening to destroy him publicly with lies, and tried at every turn. While I show what was happening to me, the hardest is how Taylor used her fans and terminally ill children to "stick it" to me and John to show us how far she would go, unrelentingly. (This is discussed later in detail.) For example, she used Ronan's mother, the mother of the three-year old beautiful boy who died of cancer that was used for the song "Ronan," to show how she was stalking me on-line (I had posted such things as Paul McCartney's "Beautiful Boy (Darling Boy)" referring to John and often sang Norah Jones' "Come Away with Me") and Taylor making clear she was "using the mother's words" from her on-line, heart-felt, honest blog "Rockstar Ronan" (in other words, to Taylor, John, the rock star) about her struggle and tragedy that Taylor makes a point to show that "she had been following intently," beyond propriety, and then taking liberties with her identity and "knowing her" without having ever met to write the song, which was really, for Taylor, directed at asking John to fly away with her and using my blog and words. In an interview with Katie Couric, the mother senses the impropriety in the really strange ways the lines of privacy, on-line stalking, and identity were blurred in Taylor calling her herself and then acting like she knew her personally by calling out her name, "Maya, Maya, Maya," but in the depth of the tragedy, the mother was unable to conceive of it, let alone see it. (John and I had not actually met and it angered Taylor that we expressed "knowing" each other.) (Maya is the character of illusion in a book I posted to John early on.) Of course I had not suffered this kind of extreme loss as this mother had, but Taylor was taking this opportunity to show what she was doing to us and what she was publicly willing to do, her version of "Fearless." There are unspeakable, sinister undertones which are horrible to state (Taylor also did it when I would suffer great loss), but for Taylor it was her ability in taking away the beautiful boy, John, and showing she could use me and anybody else to do it. She was given liberty, even adulation at these acts, by the public and by the media. She also knew that since everyone believed her innocent facade, she counted on that no one would ever believe me--she had crossed lines that just don't get crossed--and thus, she reasoned, she could embed herself permanently with John, even as threat. Taylor was trying to match me in things that just don't happen happening to me, trying to make them now very bad things.
Very early on I wrote to John about a beloved puppy of mine that got killed as I was recovering from a devastating surgery when I was 21-22. From My Love Affair with Moonbeam, bottom of page: "J.D. Bear" (Taylor then assumes this scenario and the "strength to give comfort" which she transfers to herself and Ronan):
Where Taylor got the name Maya to stalk Maya Thompson, from my posting about Jed McKenna's books Spiritual Enlightenment about dispelling illusion (the goddess of illusion being Maya) and embracing death as a way of breaking the illusions about life--and where Taylor mentally loses it in not understanding what it means (postings to John now published in My Love Affair with Moonbeam, the post is below discussing writing the screenplay (where Taylor begins to pathologically identify with the character I was writing); Spiritual Enlightenment bottom of inset page and top of next):
In the clip below Taylor demonstrates her willingness of this impropriety into violation shown with Ronan's mother with her fans on The Graham Norton Show in 2014. (Taylor appears in this segment with John Cleese because I would quote Monty Python movies.)
She used a little ill boy named Jacob in Boston and born with defects the same way as she used Ronan. Because of his name and because of my name being in Jacob's prophecy, she sang to him, "We Are Never Getting Back Together." These details go into extremely hurtful measures.
("The Story of Us" comes from my writing, discussed earlier.) Each album and song can be shown where Taylor took the ideas, title, and lyrics, for example, her "State of Grace" comes from John's "Age of Worry" in the title and in that she describes it the same way he describes his imagining his song and that he had posted something very close to saying, "Be the one thing I didn't see coming. And I see everything coming." It also comes from the meaning of my name, "place of peace," which is a state of grace, and why the song was used as it was: Genius.com describes:
"According to Taylor, the song serves as both the introduction and the conclusion of this album [Red] [And thus framing the album]. As the first track on the album, it serves as a warning for what love can be – both amazing and devastating. Essentially it can go both ways, depending on how we go about it.
Throughout the song we see her detailing the beginning of a love with all it’s possibilities and there is an utterly romantic sentiment and charm about the uncertainty and expectations that come along with any new beginning."
Taylor takes the idea from my writing (and then sells it as her own "story") from my post called "Can You Already Feel It?":
I am posting this today, 3.8.2020, the ten year anniversary of that night of first seeing John. Happy anniversary, gorgeous man.
The day John wiped his social media clean and went off-line because of Taylor's stalking
Genius.com continues: "The song went on to be performed at the second season of The X Factor," 15 November 2012, when Katy and John were together; and according to TasteofCountry.com Taylor was: "wearing a black fedora, white button-down, black flood pants and glittery shoes, Swift made the menswear trend look good." She was replicating John:
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" [. . .] and at 2012’s Z100 Jingle Ball. Later it served as the opening track of The Red Tour and it was performed acoustically at the first show in Landover of the reputation Stadium Tour."
While using some lyrics from me, she also adopts me writing to John about U2 and his reference to Joshua Tree and asking if what I wrote about my name being a prophecy in Genesis was Joshua Tree enough as a flirtatious joke. Taylor then made "State of Grace" replicate U2's sound:
"Spin reporter Marc Hogan identified State of Grace as "the one Rolling Stone previously described as a 'howling, U2-style epic with reverb-drenched guitars," and went on to praise Swift's take on the sound: 'but what had gone unmentioned is how brutally effective it is. More 'whoa-oh'-ing than literally 'howling," but streaked with unexpected feedback, Swift recognizes that Joshua Tree-era U2 is as traditional now as country, anyway, and adapts its melodramatic uplift to her own first-person romantic observations." (Wikipedia, quoted from Spin Magazine)
"The Los Angeles Times thought the track was Swift's most arresting and promising song yet. 'It's the least obviously 're-inventing' single from the album so far,' August Brown of the Times commented, '[but] this song might be the most effective.'" (Wikipedia)
John's post 27 April 2010 and my reply as "itseemssoreal" and the moment Taylor began stalking me (He had told Taylor as late as January 2010 he was not interested in a relationship):
My name meaning "Place of Peace" is also where the title "Holy Ground" comes from and why Taylor featured it in Austin where I first saw John on this day (today 3.8.2020) ten years ago (with her here acting haughty and pissed off, or as Billboard put it after she played a piano version of "This is What You Came For"--referring to herself--"raising her finger from the key with ample so-there sass to match her mischievous smirk").
John did an ASCAP SXSW Showcase in Austin in March 2000 at Stubb's BBQ, "shortly before signing to Aware Records," where I crossed paths with him there in the same club within a month. I would see him for the first time on the same street, Red River, up the block for the first time exactly ten years later, now this twenty year history. It would also be an ASCAP event in 2010 (as he writes above) where John asked for correspondence and how I first wrote to him.
John Mayer ASCAP March 2000 Stubb's BBQ Austin
20 Years; Image Source: ASCAP
This is the exact structure of the Homeric epics: 20 and 10 years, and John and I having crossed paths in the same club 20 years ago right now, then exactly ten years later in the same month, on the same street, within a mile from this beginning, and all of this right where SRV had been. [Today 3.12.2020 is my nieces's 20th birthday, she named liked the Winged Victory of Samothrace. I had been at Stubb's BBQ in 2000 to see a Roman gladiator, Russell Crowe. The old stone building was built in the 1800s before it was Stubb's. I would have gone by it as a child. The Frank Erwin Center where I saw John for the first time was built the year he was born in 1977 and has my birth date in the address 1701 Red River St. The building will be torn down in a couple of years, a good thing in the sense that the institution is named after a white bigot who worked against University of Texas student protesters and faculty in the 1960s. The Texas State Historical Association reports, "After the shootings at Kent State University in Ohio in May 1970, Erwin and the regents successfully fought student and faculty initiatives to cancel classes to protest the shootings and the Vietnam War,"so much like Tienanmen Square in China in 1989.]
Taylor's performance in Austin was "her only full concert of 2016" (on 22 October 2016), and then claiming all of this as her history and journal: "“I've been playing shows in Austin, Texas, for about 10 years now . . . and it’s been about 10 years since my first album came out,” Swift reflected. “Since then, I feel like I've been opening up my journal and letting you read it, and it feels so good that 10 years later, you still feel like reading it” (Billboard). 2016 is the year Taylor lied about Kanye at the Grammys, dumped the facade with Calvin Harris (but then tried in her damaged pattern to publicly slam him because she did not get what she wanted, the center of attention) and switched him for the camouflage of Tom Hiddleston, went off on a media frenzy while Kim broke the truth, visited an unsuspecting WWII veteran dressed as John's watch, copied John having a "tv show," and all right when John dropped his first new music in three years, which would all explain the "race car" Formula 1 choice of the only event for her that year, and in Austin.
An album I wrote to John about having in the early 80s, the Go-Gos' Beauty and the Beat:
Supposedly that is also the May where Taylor met Joe Alwyn at the Met Gala but actually that is the story of where she met John Mayer in 2008 where People magazine reported:
"Taking advantage of the chance encounter, Swift, 18, immediately started referencing Mayer’s popular blog. 'I just respect him so much, I was rattling off quotes that he said in his blog, and he was probably like thinking that I’m a stalker,' she laughed."
This is when she began this twelve years of repeating him almost verbatim publicly, especially his blog and Twitter posts she was able to access freely on-line, two years before she would begin doing it to me. That is why when it came to happening to us both, John wiped the Twitter and Tumblr clean and went off-line.
The relationship journal entry she sells with Lover about "three months" in January 2017 of the relationship with Joe Alwyn is completely made up, as are all the other "journal entries," as she visited the WWII vet (discussed below in how it was stalking John) in December 2016 and it is John that she is targeting to "to keep their romance a secret from the world." She also references about this summer 2016 calling it the "Cruel Summer," when she's actually talking about the summer of 2010, which she is now targeting for a release in the Summer of 2020, on 20 July for "Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince" because 21 July at Jones Beach that summer is when John first spoke out loud to me, at one point referencing the high school movie Say Anything (1989). In her falsified "journal" she refers to the summer of 2016 as the "Apocalypse" taken from my copyrighted screenplay and video, writing from 2010, and in "Cruel Summer" she states:
"I don't wanna keep secrets just to keep you
And I snuck in through the garden gate
Every night that summer just to seal my fate (Oh)"
The "garden" being from "A Face to Call Home" written and performed in 2010 and the gate being reading my private posts to him and seeing his responses as we first corresponded. It is also likely the reason she keeps posting about 19. According to the video, she was 19 when Kanye spoke out about her and the "19 hands" in "The Man" video helping John since she was that age (Source likely from Taylor herself). (I have also written about lots of 9s to 10s occurring, my dad's birthday being on the 19th and him passing in the year 19, among many other recurrences; she is merely copying me.) It's the "Back to December." Age 20 then began the "Cruel Summer" when I came into John's life, him speaking for the first time to me on 21 July during the concert, and now it being 2020 and now trying to target that moment again on the 10 year anniversary of the day before he spoke to me. The "cheerleading chants" in the song "Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince" refer to this movie Say Anything and then her targeting me in cheerleading outfits in the video for "Shake it Off." John also wore a yellow and blue (my high school colors '89) varsity letterman jacket on David Letterman's last show on 17 April 2015 and played the formidable song "American Pie" with the lyrics, "Miss American Pie" near the five year anniversary when I first wrote to him--about the music.
Using my writing here for "The Man" video, that she then states as nature I don't "stand a chance," on a movie poster. Taylor then threatens "disaster" like she wanted "Bad Blood" and Repetition to be up against John on this Matrix of a subway scene on 20 July 2020 (Source) in the video for "The Man." Another reason she targets this date is because it is directly after my birthday on the 10th, and she wants to make sure I spend it alone, and also miss the ten year anniversary with John, and so she threatens the worst thing she can think of, a huge public display for attention. It is also the only way she can get John to be "in" this with her. According to the video (likely provided by the perpetual 13 year old Taylor herself to draw attention to and explain her pedestrian clues; I am so bored with them I can barely write this; it is like learning numbers, shapes, and letters from a poorly conceived children's book [this edit was put back in after editing it out several days ago]), up from "Taylor as John" is a girl with headphones on "not listening" or paying attention, or just listening to music, and on her yellow "sunshiny" hoodie (which Taylor claims as her own tie-dye clothing and title in operating transfixed with John) is splashes of black cloud in the tie dye as she wears the label and identification "Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince," thus also threatening me with this "disaster" to which the train is "speeding." John has done a tie-dye collection with Camp High, and of course the Grateful Dead and Dead and Company are known for it.
11 March 2020 Katy in "Neon Yellow Valentino"
[Note: This paragraph written 3.9.2020. Edited 3.10.2020. Replying about the birthday/anniversary, and taunting:
3.10.2020: On the 13th anniversary of the premiere of the independent film I directed, Road to El Paso, Taylor delivered to People magazine: "See Taylor Swift Direct Epic Yacht Scene from 'The Man' Video: 'They're All Focused on Me, Sorry!'"
Kim Kardashian West 3.10.2020:
3.12.2020 "Justin Bieber Color-Coordinates In Every Shade Of Yellow: Justin Bieber steps out looking brighter than a ray of sunshine during a rainy day in Los Angeles. The singer is seen rocking nearly an all yellow ensemble, including a lightweight yellow jacket, t-shirt, Drew House sweats and a pair of matching New Balance sneakers from the Paperboy Paris collaboration. The shades of his kicks are inspired by signature Paperboy menu items: Ginger Lemonade, Tuna Tataki Sandwich, and Coffee Latte" (X17Online).
Kim Kardashian West 3.12.2020:
Taylor uses elements of Rihanna's video for "Bitch Better Have My Money," for example, the pool and the eye mask, in the video for "You Need to Calm Down" because she knows what she has taken and preened in front of the public, now using the LGBTQ community to pull it off. She uses her father as the referee in "The Man," because she knows here he is the accountant. She taunts Katy by wearing the earrings Katy wore at her engagement party before hypocritically pairing up with her in what Katy wore to the Met Gala, where Taylor first met John, and she as fries because John eats that in the diner in his "Shadow Days" video.
Taylor has continually targeted John's "Waiting on the World to Change" whose video features graffiti artists, by always featuring graffiti, and she does it again in "The Man" as she tries to take credit for "changing the world," as she actually tries to tear it down.
She replicated the yacht in "The Man" while trying to make it about Leonardo diCaprio, a person who actually is changing the world so that she can capitalize on him by trying to bring him down publicly, and the reference also being to The Wolf of Wall Street to deflect from her own father and me having written that he bought her into the music industry and that Kanye was pointing it out. So Taylor tries to turn it and point it on Leonardo so that she's the victim and can climb higher to the center of "attention and praise." Rihanna's video (she wears Rihanna's biker cap in "End Game") is also another reason why Taylor puts herself into the road case to follow John in 2017 (discussed below), with Rihanna essentially exposing Taylor in 2015, the year before Kim would do it, and Taylor then taking the material and continuing to stalk John in 2017 with it on the 7th anniversary of John "speaking to me" at Jones Beach, and when I was going to meet John in 2017, the same threat she is offering up for this July, the only way she can keep John in a "relationship" (while he's doing something else, as he always has done, moving things and moving past that she can't detect because she can't see it as she desperately tries to adhere herself to every step) with the same baseless threat she delivered in October 2010 and has tried to deliver on ever since, capitalizing on it through the public.
This past weekend, the 10th anniversary of me seeing John for the first time, "Inside the Kardashian-Jenner Family's Fun-Filled Trip to Palm Springs"
(Taylor obsessively replies on People that she's "directing" all the girls, link above on 3.10.2020)
3.13.2020 Still stalking and replicating John and in her delusional megalomaniac attempt to "take over the Queen and England" Taylor contrives a news story delivered to the English DailyMail.com calling herself the "queen of pop," stating that she is "courting" [the headline was later edited to make sense from "How the queen of pop is courting in Crouch End!"] instead of the normal verb "living," imaginarily "crouching" so that she can Katycat pounce on her perceived enemies. This article that she feeds to the press sets up her relationship with her facade with an English boyfriend to match John's wealthy/famous in relation to me, an unknown, "as under-the-radar as possible," and because I wrote here that I live a private life on my own, she writes that she is living a "low-key life."
She compares her boyfriend to John's watch by saying he looks like Paul Newman so that she references the (race-car driving) Paul Newman Rolex Daytona which John talks about in the same series "Talking Watches: With John Mayer Part 2" that she used to stalk him in 2016 to dress up like his watch, proving that there was and is no relationship with Joe Alwyn and that her "journals," songs, and stories sold to the public are all falsified to continue to stalk John.
From the early years of communicating with John I could tell what John was saying by what he was referencing on his watches, and so Taylor is copying that because she was tracking as closely as she could in how I would respond. She is trying to take over that role as if I do not exist, and so that John loves her, and so that "the story" is hers. It was/is very loving between John and I because it is the communication of how much he knows about and loves the watches and is including me in that. And so in this additionally perverse way, Taylor is injecting herself into very personal details.
In the video John talks about this deeply personal and fun-loving experience with watches stating, "As we are seeing Paul Newman Daytonas become astronomically high in value, I'm looking towards no-nonsense, non-Paul Newman Daytonas, and they really I think to me are taking the place of what Paul Newman Daytonas were but now to wear one outside of the house is kind of crazy. And there's a jeans and t-shirt quotient to this watch. There's also a uni-sex quality to it and this reminds me of an era that I was dreaming of making it. And so I was a kid dreaming of making it when these watches were in catalogs. We all want to make it in the year in which we most dreamed of it, and by simple virtue of time, you don't get a chance to do that. You end up, if you're lucky, making it, but years after you first had that aesthetic in your mind of what it was going to be like, [he says playfully, his eyes lighting up] and these watches remind me of what it must have been like to have a brand new, gold Rolex in 1985. That would have been what time it was around, '84, '85. You have a little piece of where you would have been if you really did make it when you were nine."
And so Taylor replicates his words and wants to consume that wonder of John as her own. It would take social attention, she thinks, for her to finally do it.
In the Daily Mail article she states, "she enjoys keeping this relationship close to her chest and close to her heart." In her ulterior press release Taylor struggles to incorporate a reference to Rihanna's "Bitch Better Have My Money" video with the heading "Bye-bye to the bikini parties," to eating steaks (Katy dressed as a hamburger), Mary Queen of Scots' premiere "secret entrance," i.e. Taylor's "undercover" entrance into England, and now secretively stating that she and Joe met when "Cupid struck at a pre-Oscars party in February 2017" but her journal for January 2017 states that they had been together three months. It is John and Jennifer Aniston who met at an Oscar's party. She again tries to force-feed that she "dated" John Mayer and until February 2010 when the signs of her stalking him in December 2009 and January 2010 are clearly evident. And like Justin and Hailey looking for a home together, Taylor waiting it out for John, "She apparently has a budget of £30 million to buy a London home, but has yet to find anywhere she really loves."
Taylor puts on a show of "being a symbol of peace and redemption" (a meaning of my name) and my writing about Katy and features Katy in her "You Need to Calm Down" video released on 17 June 2019. Two months later at the VMAs on 26 August, she replicates Katy, and wearing the purple of "royalty" over the gold:
Taylor at the 2019 VMAs
Maggie Rogers had released "Light On from La Blogothèque – Live in Paris" from January 2019 and performed on John's Current Mood on the 27 January 2019. Taylor released the "Live from Paris" version of "The Man" in January 2020, filmed in September 2019, releasing it after Maggie appeared with Dead and Company at Madison Square Garden on 1 November 2019.
Maggie singing with Dead and Company: JamBase.com
Custard and Moonbeam
My Moonbeam on my Christmas table; suddenly Taylor was the belle of Christmas, even trying to name it after herself
Moonbeam, Morning at the Ranch, 2010
Ranch House Interior 2010
Ranch House Interior, 2010
"Through the Looking Glass" with Natalia Vodianova, Photographed by Annie Leibovitz, Vogue, August 2008 reposted on my Tumblr
Katy Perry, June 2011 Vanity Fair Photographs by Annie Leibovitz
John Mayer Carousel Horse, 17 years old; This photo may or may not have been available at the time in 2011, however, one like it was
Pinterest Chanel at Paris Fashion Week Spring 2007
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Heart-shaped rock from Rio Ruidoso behind the Sacred Grounds Coffee Shop; I have been collecting heart rocks on our hikes since Moonbeam passed in September 2015 and Custard first carried a rock all the way home; My dad made me many heart-shaped, hand-crafted gifts throughout my life
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In Spring 2010 as John was on tour for Battle Studies I wrote to him, "Crossword Puzzles for the tour bus: 7 Across: The flip side of Neil Diamond's hit 'Red, Red Wine,' . . . answer to 'I was born into the arms of imaginary friends.' 7 Down: Foreigner's November 1984 lead single from their fifth album, Agent Provocateur
This is one reason why Taylor has continuously posted things like Scrabble. John was playing "Words with Friends" while on tour and talked about always doing the NY Times Monday puzzle. Then John and Katy were photographed together for Vanity Fair and Katy is quoting as saying to Billboard:
Image source: Vanity Fair
"He literally is a genius, as is evident from his songwriting. I always tell him, 'Darling, you know I'm going to have to give your mind to science after you've passed, because we're going to have to understand how all these sparks work,' she told Billboard. 'We'll be in bed and he'll be doing the crossword puzzle. Every night, he tries to finish it in under 10 minutes. When he puts his mind to something, he really gets it done very well. I always ask for his help."
Taylor was copying us both in trying to do puzzles with him, this one posted a month after I published in September 2018, to leer at the camera the same way after all the years and threaten us with her next album, which would become the highly plagiarized Lover.
The song and video of "Style" have nothing to do with Harry Styles, except for exploitation of him (and everyone), which was her ploy for publicity and standing; I had wolves on BSW and had reblogged this on Tumblr (below), and while with Harry she wears a fox on her sweater, fooling the public because she was actually tracking John and stalking me and could not go public with it. The reason she's warned off of Michael J. Fox's son is because John had gotten inspired to play the guitar watching Michael J. Fox in Back to the Future, and at that time of the movie I had a poster on my wall of Michael J. Fox, and for which Taylor damned Tina Fey and Amy Poehler to hell (under the veil of a Vanity Fair cover which pictures a very innocent Taylor, still manipulating the public, with the headline, "I've never thought about songwriting as a weapon.")
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I wrote in the Tapestry how the "relationship" with Harry Styles came about:
"On September 7, 2012, before the MTV VMAs I tweeted about One Direction; Katy had known them from their beginning, having been on Niall's panel on X Factor; this was two months before the media events of Taylor being pictured with Harry Styles (in time for the release of [the copyright infringements of] Red); at that VMAs Taylor wore an outfit like what I had worn in Las Vegas to see John."
Private Tumblr posts from the time where her lyrics came from, she supposedly referring to her "relationship" with Harry:
Las Vegas, 2011; The weekend of Prince William and Duchess Kate's wedding; It was playing on the televisions in the airport the morning my friends and I were on our way.
Her staged paparazzi photos with Harry matched my photos of seagulls from the trip to Vancouver of John and I first looking at each other, acting out being with John, acting out me writing about 'saying something stupid' to John like, "I carried a watermelon," the line from Dirty Dancing, and about "Nobody puts Baby in the corner," to which she had Harry lift her from the dance afterward, supposedly on a "first date"; and walking through Central Park where I had walked when I was in New York, during which I was writing to John; thus, she "communicating with John" with the replicated photos:
Photo: Shiloh Richter
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from John's Tumblr 2010
2005, Mission San Jose, San Antonio, making Road to El Paso
Taylor's "relationships" the public saw were manipulated for the public, as many were realizing, but without realizing they were also unremitting aggressions. In Tapestry I wrote:
"When Taylor began dating Calvin Harris, she 'went to see him perform for the first time on March 7,' just like I had seen John perform for the first time on March 8th; Because of me writing about Eve, she would always refer to Calvin by his name 'Adam'; she would be photographed cooking for him, as I had sent John sexy photos baking for him, or swimming with white-winged swans . . . On their 'anniversary' she announced that she had been given a necklace; John had a wing necklace he wore before he knew me; I had a wing necklace that I always wore; John would also wear his Native American Squash necklace because of me and my writing about the magic of the Southwest; Her lyrics to 'This is What You Came For' are veiled references to what was happening . . ."
Taylor switched to Tom Hiddleston as soon as Rihanna turned up as Calvin Harris's surprise guest at Coachella on 17 April 2016, which was an encroachment of what Taylor was trying to do in drawing big attention to herself by showing up at Coachella and with the release of the song with the lyrics, "Lightning strikes every time she moves / And everybody's watching her / But she's looking at you, oh, oh," as her message to John.
As people became more suspicious of Taylor's crafted scenarios for the press (there was never an unpremeditated, natural one), two days before Kanye released the translucent video for "Famous," to deflect for whatever it was that Kanye was going to deliver, Taylor declared that Tom Hiddleston was "the one." Taylor still threw a party on July 4th, as she had kept trying to do because of my name (and because of Katy and John),
but it became an embarrassment when she tried to force her name on it on Hiddleston's t-shirt. Kanye was showing it, bringing it into awareness, and Taylor pushed so hard to take the story way from what Kanye was doing in revealing the truth about her, that the truth was becoming evident through her own aggressiveness in pushing her staged "relationship" with Tom to the press, even though they all had been concoctions. Between June 24th and July 17th 2016, from the time Kanye released "Famous" to when Kim released the phone call showing Taylor was lying in her February Grammys 2016 speech--showing Taylor had known she had been lying all year, that ALL of this back through Calvin and the revelation closing in and that Kanye could say something, Taylor supposedly had a "proposal," the biggest kind of news she could try to deliver. By September, Taylor was too good to attend the Emmys, and she didn't need Tom anymore since people were wary of it, except now she would switch the blame as she always does to further cover her tracks: "Taylor feels super uncomfortable' over Tom's desire to be 'so public' with their romance" (Cosmopolitan). The belligerence is apparent of what she did at the time of Kanye's release and Kim's truth-telling, with Travel and Leisure reporting, "Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston Travel 6,500 Miles Together in Two Weeks."
With Tom Hiddleston she went to Rome because Kim and Kanye had just been there in May to go to the opera to "watch Sofia Coppola and Valentino Take On La Traviata." And so Taylor made an appearance at the Roman Colosseum on June 27th to reference Kanye and thus issuing an abusive kind of hypocritical emperor response to Kanye's Gladiator hit from June 24th at revealing true character. Just two days before Rome, on June 25th Taylor had issued another message made romantic for the public, walking along the ocean in England with Tom two days in a row, now in Kate Middleton's headband and wellies for taking over England, a return to the threat of being a siren (from my writing), by being pictured "kissing on the rocks," on 15 June, when she knew something from Kanye was coming, and now by making this the story, she could keep John and Kanye "trapped" by her threats of what she told the public and which the media readily supported, no matter that she lied at the Grammys and that it all was wearing thin. It was still just Romantic Comedy, right, if she was still the star, playing the role, and no one knew what was actually happening? Entertainment and media didn't require truth. Energetically, however, even as it was coming into awareness, people were more on alert. Giving the public a story, like taking time away as John had done, as in John's lyrics "On the Way Home" from Paradise Valley (2013): "Just stay on the run; get off the grid. / Hide yourself out like you know that I did," would give her time to get the plagiarized weaponry of Reputation ready, acting like she had been through what John and Kanye had been through in 2010 (something she ludicrously claims in her 2019 Billboard "Woman of the Decade" farcical) to swing a bigger hit to try to bring everyone who was exposing her down. She could make the belligerence spectacle, cast herself in the role of victim again in being exposed, and concoct that everyone she was stalking and working against libelously for self-gain deserved her abuse and the abuse she could bring on from the socially-conditioned public.
What Taylor did was, in fact, the exact opposite of what John and Kanye had done in self-reflection, and this would be her new developing inner rage when she realized, after what I wrote, they were no longer "just" the best in music, but themselves were in the lineage of something huge and what is massively transformative. In my writing I show how Jesus Christ was in that line of opening Being, and the "bloodline" of King David, the opening of music in a very spiritual way, and that is the lineage of art when it is "opened." Add to that the meanings of my name, "messiah," "the one to whom it belongs," "place of peace" (which actually lead to Being), the etymology to very wild revelations, and then the miraculous happenings that drive Taylor crazy and that for years she has tried to replicate but then that lie flat with no resonance, Taylor became beyond obsessed to put her name on it instead, thus now pushing for the public to see her as ME! and not just "The Man," but THE MAN.
But that is somewhere only truth can go.
But on the day John left on 17 July 2017, or 7.17.17, to go to Albuquerque for The Search for Everything show where I would be, Taylor "packed herself in a road case" to go with him.
A year later, through the person she had replicated my intimate photos in video with in January 2017, implying again the invasion of intimacy, she had Zayn deliver the news in November 2018 to Vogue (December 2018), following my publications in September 2018 which include recognitions of both Zayn and One Direction, that she was definitely in the suitcases, reminding everyone, importantly that she was "out of vision" (like I was), but that Zayn KNEW, and yet she purposefully was still in the awareness of the "paparazzi" with "strange maneuvers" to "hide her face": i.e. hint, hint, "I'm hiding. I'm traveling, I'M WITH j.Oh.n., but YOU CAN'T SEE ME. 13 sEE?"
So what additionally had happened previous to this to get this revival of packing herself into the cases to show that she was "following" John? In the 10 November 2018 issue of Billboard magazine, John is on the cover with the headline, "The Freewheelin' John Mayer: How he made peace with fame and embraced 'exposing the truth.'" Inside he goes further, "I have a feeling when I get married, my Instagram Stories content will really just disappear completely because instead I'll have somebody to tap on the shoulder and go, 'Hey, I had a dream last night about this." If this happened, she would lose her connection on Instagram and her "secret communication." She was re-packing herself for the exposé she would call "love" and the "wedding-to-the-situation"--and she needed to move it public so that John couldn't get loose from "her" news story, thus, marrying him to it as she had managed to pull off in 2010 and everyone repeating from then on out that they had dated. Her work would then be permanently tied to his by her having repeated him.
And so Zayn delivered the thinly-veiled news she wanted everyone to "figure out" so that she could be connected with John without admitting to it, thus it was all a game of "love." They'd be linked together in the news again, connecting the ten years, and hopefully, she planned, "implicating" and outing everyone who had been "against" her and her "relationship." She'd have her story. She thought there was no way I could say anything if she covered every detail. She'd just write me off as the stalker, as everyone believed everything she said. (Except that everything I did occurred first.) If she could bring down Kanye and John, she could certainly, she thought, bring down me. She could take my writing and since everyone believed she's a "genius writer," she could pass it off as her own, even adding in John's work. There was nothing she couldn't get by with.
The "only problem" for her? My connection with John was powerful and spiritual from the very beginning. From the moment I saw him, beyond thoughts and words and explanations, my whole body shaking, I knew, after a lifetime and every memory and every experience, this was IT. Nothing and no one had ever stunned me so. I knew that something very real had been struck, beyond any doubt. It awakened the very core. When I wrote to John almost two months later when he requested communication on Tumblr, mostly what I uttered was that I had never been so moved. His answer was in no way mundane. It was powerful and spiritual. It had been coming all along. I thought there was no way, out of the thousands, he could remember looking back at me in Vancouver, even though it was an unmistakable melting moment, and I didn't mention it for awhile, and when I did, he knew exactly what I was talking about and said something he would only know if he remembered it . . .
It was in the midst of what Taylor was trying to play off in 2010 with the easy public backlash on an all-time-high Grammy Award winning Kanye who had broken through in brilliance and ferocious dynamic impetus, and now, Taylor empowered at her thus consequential winning of Grammy Album of the Year for her white-girl troubles against a bad black man--Kanye suddenly reduced so for speaking the unmentionable truth at an obviously solemn and stately you-don't-do-that Anglo awards ceremony (and this is supposed to be music the very place where those very cultural, very wrong limitations are broken--the first signs of music even made of wing, soaring bones), thus the valid, can't-be-spoken lyric, "I made that bitch famous"--the very embodiment of what happened to him Taylor then socially-reinforced six years later still can't be spoken, and she now, in 2010, was licensed by the tabloids to go Casey Jones full-steam ahead and force-feed a romantic relationship with John Mayer, the becoming-legendary-guitarist, the "Who did You Think I Was?" reduced now to manipulation and lies, that on 8 March 2010, my world was never the same again at seeing him. Suddenly to Taylor, heavily tracking John, fully ready to further sell him to the press to get the story out there that hadn't fully taken yet, I was what "stood in the way" of her public story, and she was determined to run over everybody, to sell everybody, their personhoods, their work, and their lives as her own. The eleven year old girl, from her own proud words, out on the streets peddling her "goods" for a "record deal" wasn't above keeping peddling, even humans, even master artists, and now this tear-down tabloid material, over the music and the humans, is what the audiences were buying. Taylor was ready to go with anything with her name on it, untrue tabloids now packaged like a musical product to match, Daily Mail covered to look just like--identical--to John's, Katy's, Kanye's, Ariana's, and Beyoncé's personas and music:
John's The Search for Everything Wave Two, Columbia, Sony Music
"'If I Were a Boy' [2008 from her album I Am . . .Sasha Fierce] is a commentary on the double standards that often exist between men and women and a story of role reversal. She explores what it would be like if she did all the things he did to her every day." (Genius)
Taylor believing she can take down Kanye, Jay Z, and Beyoncé while trying to direct, own, and slander John's personhood, image, and "brand":
The 57th Grammys; BSW was begun in 1957, my writing here being one insidious reason why Taylor gives herself the title of Miss Americana (other documentation is given below)
John Mayer in the studio composing "Carry Me Away" (2019) "Okay, you know what? Can I just start giving you pieces to put in there?"
A more insightful take on the real man and artist, the shaman, "nobody," "No ID," "alias" shapeshifter, and of Taylor's hidden media manipulation, the dominant mind-bound and abuse of power: While Taylor obsessively tries to enforce social dictation and domination ironically through music, basing her false identity on the masculine structure of being the ex-girlfriend of John Mayer and Harry Styles among a list of others and passing those untruths as stories to the press and social unconsciousness, and did this throughout the decade of the 50th anniversary of the 60s and a "take down" of John and Kanye and the most vibrant music and was rewarded for it by the morbidly unaware, Bob Dylan, one of the greatest ever at slipping the noose: Cate Blanchett as Bob Dylan I'm Not There (2007): "You just want me to say what you want me to say." And Richard Gere as Billy the Kid as Bob Dylan; the role of art and the artist in defying dangerously unaware social consciousness and the subsequent entrapping social norms; Lyrics from "Idiot Wind":
"Someone's got it in for me
They're planting stories in the press
Whoever it is I wish they'd cut it out quick
But when they will I can only guess"
[ . . .]
"Their minds are filled with big ideas
Images and distorted facts
Even you, yesterday
You had to ask me where it was at
I couldn't believe after all these years
You didn't know me better than that"
[2.29.2020 Here is an odd side-note on Leap Day (besides living on the Billy the Kid Trail, up the very road from where Billy broke out of jail). I watched this movie today and in it the news of the end of the Vietnam War (with Nixon on the television) matched up with the news today about the end of the 18-year Afghanistan war that began at the beginning of John's career in New York (he performed in NYC a few nights after 9.11.01, right where music belonged. I did not know of John at that moment (except in deeper than the psyche), but this was felt. I was living on the Texas/Mexico border in Eagle Pass and I had an overwhelming compulsion to get to NYC. Additionally, Pat Garrett was shot and killed on leap day, 29 February 1908. "His youngest son, Jarvis, was born in Seguin," which is where my Yorkie Vanilla Custard Pudding with his bandit mask was born. The opera house (and on town square) in Uvalde, TX, where I directed the western and the plays and filmed Until I Was Seven was built the same year Pat Garrett moved there, 1891. He would have been one of the first guests where my dad would later sing Billy Flynn on stage in Chicago. We held our after parties in the same room where he would have attended the first parties, this also being where the film society I formed met. (This is only five years after Lamy's cathedral in Santa Fe was completed in 1886.) There in Uvalde Pat Garrett was friends with John Nance Garner, later Vice President under FDR, and who was the last person for JFK to officially call. John Nance Garner's home is where I saw Hillary Clinton. Pat Garrett mysteriously moved to Uvalde, which is a close shoot to the border of Mexico--which was established as the border on the Rio Grande in Queretaro, Mexico, right on the plaza where we filmed Apocalypse of the Heart / "Something Like Olivia" and on the very spot where the Southwest became the Southwest, where "I just found out her ghost left town / The Queen of California is stepping down, down": "where Mexico ceded Texas, New Mexico, California, and most of Arizona to the United States" in 1848; Three years later in 1851 the Ursuline Convent Academy was built on the San Antonio River, where I would photograph the bird fountain (above) in 2010 the morning after John played "A Face to Call Home" at what used to be Gerdes' Folk City where Bob Dylan, among many others, played starting out in NYC.
(History.com reports that, "On April 11, 1961, he got his first real chance to put those on display with his first major gig in New York City, opening for bluesman John Lee Hooker at Gerde’s Folk City." The 50th anniversary of that is also between Suze Rotolo passing and me seeing Dylan that July. All of that history and the magic with John is what made New York City so special in July 2010--he also sang "City Love" in the rain at Jones Beach, and why Taylor Swift then had to try to avariciously consume it as her own, even ten years later trying to call herself "Americana.")
The Alamo had fallen (1836) on Michelangelo's birthday, which is also my grandfather's birthday, born in 1922, the year Kerouac was born); And so Pat Garrett moved to the place where Billy the Kid last said he was on his way, to this crossroads in Uvalde (which ended up on John's Battle Studies when I first saw him), ten years after he supposedly shot Billy the Kid in 1881. Was Billy the Kid there, too? Was he at Gerde's Folk City? One of his mysterious best friends, something like the character, "Alias" Bob Dylan plays in Sam Peckinpah's 1973 Pat Garrett and Billy the Kid, was from Uvalde, and it is his letter that states that they were on their way there. That is also where my youngest niece was born on Jack Kerouac's birthday. Matthew McConaughey was born there in 1969 and later made the movie The Newton Boys about outlaws who lived up the same road where Matthew lived. His childhood home is featured in a scene in Road to El Paso. The Ranch Road 1049, like Jacob's prophecy in Genesis 49:10 lies between my family's ranch and Uvalde. Pat Garrett had a ranch nearby in Uvalde. Now I live near where Billy the Kid escaped in New Mexico . . . ]
There are ten + years of Taylor's insidious replication of these vital artists' work for which to account, the blood-flow of culture. It has happened on a daily basis, as covered over as Taylor replicating Beyoncé saying in her Homecoming that she was hungry and had taken many food groups out of her diet and gone plant-based, and Taylor then repeating it in her very untruthful Miss Americana, saying that she went without meals and thought she was going to pass out. It most definitely segues into mental illness, but no one notices because of what it looks like and how appearance is culturally accepted as the norm. It appears innocuous, and as if it couldn't matter, like Barbie play, even as it often appears like a Barbie--it has made sure it does; yet it both undermines and highlights the critical role of art and artist in a closed culture that would sooner kill than examine itself within. The time has come for this examination, society's mirror held up to Taylor's pernicious psyche that can only operate in culture as its own mindset because of society's lack of awareness in the invigoration it gives it, living the volatile, guarded energy within and having the thousand watchful eyes of the monster Argos in mythology. Writing as well as art works as a mystery rite, an opening of the walls of conforming thought; if truly free and not bound like the media to social norms, they shock the psyche into recognition of itself--no dogma, no belief: instantaneous verifiable aliveness of the attribute looking out within oneself. It took society ten years to let Jessica Simpson speak of her own Being. Their entrapment of her and her thus enforced silence was because of judgment and the particular social norms of that, the acceptance of the belief to which she was therefore limited--except within her own Being. But as can be seen in this moment, her speaking from her own Being now infinitely opens that door to others. There is a communion there that cannot be replicated by an impostor. "Doors" are actually opened.
And so this opens what could not be opened. Take for example the vicious social norms that guard the doors to the book of Isaiah, for example, of the Hebrew bible. The experience and attributes of the female experience, Presence, and gifts are taken over by and attributed to the male and one will induce immediate reaction of anger--a socially enforced silence--if one speaks against it. But then Jessica writes, from her experience, what happened to her as a child, and now being a mother. Her beauty shines, her daughters' beauty shines. There is immediate recognition, even unspoken, "You are like me." The walls of judgment, the guard, the killer, the fear disappear as if it were never there. The monster of the psyche dissolves through awareness. There is recognition: "We're in this together." The same is true of the social guard around Jesus's words, and that to which culture still unknowingly does to personhood: crucifies. Art is not insidious, and yet it defies these divisive, holocaustian norms. It moves like water, it moves like Being. It frees the soul to its own self.
And so to have that social guard and unawareness dressed as music is a very odd thing, but not new: Homer shows it.
There is a reason why I know that it is time to show it. I have been quiet (at first all tears and then that erupting fewer and fewer times) and gone deep for ten years. What has remained in my psyche has become more clear. I go "further in" and look at it as the original observer, not as this person or identity "Shiloh" (which has struggled loose, effervesced, and now is much more free, no longer bound by what "I" or others created, spoke of as if it were real, and saw), but as what the baby looked out and saw before social conditioning before trying to appease the hostile environment, heal it, make it safe and whole, but now in awareness. There are two things happening here: healing the personal psyche (that houses an angry mother from hundreds, if not thousands, of years back and therefore also a subconsciously perceived hostile environment into reality) through awareness and trust of the pervasiveness of Being, and exposing it while bringing Presence to it.
I was in a grocery store yesterday and heard a man boasting of abusing his hungry dog who accidentally bit his fingers getting the food. I am nothing physically up against that concrete abusive response mind that believes in its rightness. I should have followed him and offered to buy the dog. There have been so many times I needed to do that. I saw a man throw a dog into the bed of a truck at a local lake, supposedly a fun day, and I was horrified. I did stop a man once from repeatedly kicking a hurt sheep because it couldn't walk. I wanted to die, I just couldn't breathe while seeing it. I tried to get a nose-ring with a very heavy chain attached to it removed from a bull at a "Christian" establishment that uses it to stop traffic and bring in sales, but it turns out, according to the law of New Mexico, even with a very caring official going to check, if the animal is fed and watered, then it technically is "not in danger." Being itself can never be hurt, but what is this humanity where Trump is accepted as a norm? There are clearly two things necessary: bringing Presence and changing the norm through Being into movable form. The way that this is done in flow is through art, artists, and writing, like a song. The female stands as pivotal to this because she is the deep conscious, the "collective psyche," symbol of Presence in form. When I came to know John there were several things that were of utmost importance to me that made Taylor Swift, the thousand-eyed monster, irate: One, that John survive and overcome what was happening to him in the media, that the music and talent and passion that shook me to my core survive, and for him to have the strength to heal the pain and loneliness that reverberated throughout his body. That he saw the same in me shocked me, as no one had seen it before, or been able to articulate it, much less demand the same of me.
In watching a "Satsang with Mooji" the other night, I watched a female, clearly a calm spirit and giver, ask if a female would ever be accepted as a "master," a teacher of Being and consciousness, like the Buddha, as almost all have been male in form. Mooji's answer was, of course, from the very deep well-spring, saying why would you want to be special when you can be your true self? He told her, "First you vanish inside yourself, and let the world come and look for you." This does not mean one has to physically disappear, but even in artistic creation, one goes deep inside, and when created from there, it will be found in the perfect way. In my writing of Coyote and of the female, I know that the role of the female is different: she happens inside of life. She is life. That is why one will rarely see her step outside of life to guide it back in. (One example is Amritanandamayi "Amma.") The female is like Poetry, she works within life, bringing recognition to life, her smile the Poetry itself. Now what matters is her Presence Of Being. Does she not know Being? Is she lying? Is she mimicking life itself, closing it with anger and guard? Is she trying to take out the artist and writers so that she can be "special" or not get abandoned? Homer shows this: the impostor wants to OWN the song. She want's Odysseus's voice because it is the most deeply internal, powerful voice ever.
Joseph Campbell said time and again, "Save yourself and you save all the world." Mooji says, "This is time to focus on yourself, that isn't selfish." That judgmental monster likes to hide even in the psyche, applying those social rules mimicking your own voice in sound, as Helen does outside of the Trojan horse to the men inside. I could not have made it without the passionate concern of other artists, so very many of them full of heart, and of insightful, inspiring writers like Maria Popova and her novel Figuring and her weekly writings. I would not have even been able to see the path or trust it. This is the priceless road of art and why it cannot be obstructed by a fearful, insecure, raging mind that wants to own it. This is the deeper level of freeing oneself, and in culture, that not only what is observed is a pattern from which one must break free, but the identity who thinks it is observing it is also a bound, suffering creation holding one in check, having to guard itself for existence. The external angry, concrete minds stand guard, ready to kill on this and have been killing for it for all of time. Taylor Swift is nothing new, she crudely took the socially-condoned Judas opportunity to cash in on John Mayer and other master artists whose voices are moving. Art and the eternal voices and the super-shaman move anyway. I take one look at Kostas Seremetis's work and my mind is freed, the unreal structures instantaneously dissolved, the alive part freed and invigorated, even edged into delightful mischievousness. It's a safe world because nothing can outdo this. My soul knows it. It is so empowering I could cry. It is as powerful as what would have been experienced by dancing flames deep within the womb of the cave before the female lost her Presence, lost her mind, and lost her body, and then therefore lost the external world and expression of her eternalness in form, and as freeing, as transformative. Why would you want to be the Buddha when you can be the universe? I know this art opens that. That's how valuable it is. It's not up for grabs and neither are the humans.
There is a very funny debate over who wrote the Homeric epics (as Taylor goes after all the authors to own them): was it Homer, Penelope, Homer's daughter? Was it Dante, Michelangelo or da Vinci who started the Italian Renaissance? I wrote at the beginning of writing to John about how comedy is social; it is the burst to life of the universe, while tragedy is of the isolated individual's recognition come too late in time, a common understanding, but Taylor copied me in writing, "Looks a lot like a tragedy now" right where she copied John from "Heartbreak Warfare," with him saying "I can't break through it all" and her repeating, "So many walls up I can't break through." The delight, the "comedy" of life comes through, not in divisiveness and separation, as in Much Ado About Nothing, but in the realization, it's not too late and that we don't even know who wrote Shakespeare, although we are certain there was genius involved and a very cunning queen.
And there is The Mousetrap in Hamlet. Who is to say? What is in the Homeric epics, though, of its authorship is that Penelope is the one who names the cause, just as Beatrice does in the Divine Comedy. Penelope says it right outside the room of her olive tree bed, Beatrice says it at the tree as well; it is no mistake that this is where the seer/artist has been crucified, rid of his body. The speaking has to come from the very center of Being, as the Mona Lisa does, and it's not easy for anyone to get there. In fact, any one CAN'T get there. Only Being enters, no social conditioning or constructed identity. You can only get to the center of the labyrinth when you can see yourself and realize, "Holy shit, this is what I am." Does the realization come too late, in total isolation, or is there a deep laugh of everyone at the table partaking of communion, the life-flow and form of everyone and its inestimable expression of shared eternal Beingness? Why is John's video for "New Light" so funny? Why does Kanye cross over into the forbidden, past the guards, didn't he see what it got Bob Dylan and the world? Joni Mitchell, too, is one of those unshaken eternal voices, Carole King, Nina Simone, Billie Holiday singing past the pain, that broke down the walls not to commonness, but shared commonality and elevated it as no politician has ever been able to do (the best get assassinated). If one of those people just wanted to be "special" and hookered it upon the world as just form, no spirit, what else could there be but separation and tragedy? In 850 B.C., coming from many generations before, the Homeric epics said to watch what happens live (lol) with the false Siren voice, it leads to the Iliad and the failed entrapment of the artist's voice in the Odyssey. It doesn't say look at what MIGHT happen. The reason it can't lie and that it is absolutely true, regardless of time? It comes from the eternal voice straight from Being. That lost Greek Middle Voice . . . that dual-faced Sirens can only mimic. Ahhh, this road of the labyrinth leading to Being. What would we do without those "on the road" breaking it back open where the Siren voice seeks desperately to shut it and divide?
Taylor doesn't know she'd be really lucky for a truce with the humans of Big Machine Records because she's too good for that, too special, but their forgiveness, even in knowing what she is, would guarantee her a place in music, albeit it would have to be way more authentic, whereas otherwise she most definitely will lose it all as the empire crumbles, and those who believe in her lose, too. Even Katy, as an honest friend, can be seen making the way safe and gently guiding her home, even back inside her own body.
There is no doubt this writing is seen.
The structure of culture, as I show in Coyote, depends on the male who is culture, as female is nature and universe; She isn't culture, which is an emanation of life, she's the energy and inspiration of culture, the flame and fire of it. Joseph Campbell writes of this, too, while I follow out the implications for the female and into altering culture. The female is the energy coming up through the tree; She's the tree itself. That's why it is so skewed when culture cuts her out and strips the live tree and makes it a crucifixion alone instead of a bed, an altar of transformation through life and death. That's why it is also skewed when she isn't that energy, just a lying "patient etherized upon a table," causing the wasteland (T. S. Eliot). But the crucifixion is a transformation as well, like the leaving of the body for the shaman flight, but he's never culturally "allowed" to return because there is no female body "allowed," and the female is the door and arrival of the universe. She can give him back his body, now divine, now back in form after the flight, whether that be intercourse, trance, or "religious" experience. Giving back the body is what Taylor could do in telling the truth, but because it doesn't revolve around her, she can't, her ego won't allow it; she sees that as powerless and as lessening herself and her false role in culture. Inner, receptive, transformative energy just isn't her; She unnaturally can't wait for anything to come to her because she is afraid that it won't. That is why Helen sees the eagle, the spirit of Odysseus fly past her, free, and then she knows what has happened (always in past tense, never in the moment, as Presence is in the Moment). In restricted culture, unbroken open, there's no theophany "allowed," and no polytheism "allowed." In polytheism, the Coyote exists (as Lewis Hyde shows). But just because the cultural mind doesn't "allow" it doesn't mean it doesn't exist and doesn't move. Just because Taylor doesn't "allow" it, doesn't mean it doesn't exist, and these are the very things she has gone after in her belligerent mind's eye. Or just because she's trying to take credit for it and replicate it as her own it doesn't mean it doesn't move on, overturning her. The cultural-mind sales belie what is happening. Just because she doesn't "let" him return in her mind doesn't mean he isn't already on his way. You can't actually tell Bob Weir he doesn't exist or that he can't do a shaman flight. He does it every night on tour.
What Taylor is trying to do is take down that structure of the masculine, and with it all the females, and stand apart from it because she thinks that will make her appear powerful and get her respect and existence past the empty and baseless awards and recognition and the extreme desperation and emptiness she screams within, of which outward can never and will never fill. She demands others and society fill her raging vacuousness as a requirement of her non-existence and give her a status it cannot give. Money, fame, force, manipulation, and public coercion couldn't give it to her, and round and round she goes, rabidly in desperation over John and Kanye so that she can say, "Look at what they have done to MEEEEEEE," to further expose and sell them, to be able to say, "it's all about MEEEEE!!!!!!" when it isn't. Appearances belie. (I also write about this in Coyote, the difference between a false face and a disguised one: The difference is inner. Both Athena and Odysseus are external shapeshifters, but internally divine. They don't play by culture's rules. And hold on to your Sunday britches, they lie when they need to to get past the thousand eye monster, as the ancient Muses do. It's a Fine Line, but one that opens true inspiration and freedom. The humor of this first dawned on me as being absent in dominant American culture when I was teaching folklore at the university and saw how in Black culture, for example, this would have black listeners of the tales rolling on the ground, howling with uncontrollable laughter, but Anglos don't normally laugh at it. The reason is that they have been socially conditioned with a morality that doesn't allow for this kind of funny bending of the rules to outsmart the ego and arrogance--FEAR of loss of identity--because they are the ego and arrogance closed to having any sense of Being. They miss the complete delight in it.)
What Kanye is doing is leaving the structure in place and infusing it with the rite of art. He left Donald Trump in place without opposing him, but that doesn't mean Donald Trump wins anything. Did Kanye not walk off with the socially-unconscious status of having counseled with the president with wild, artistic, unbound ideas? Did Kim not get that President to do something good, which in hindsight he soon after required himself from the Senate--an irony, an actual crime against the entire United States, as opposed to selling drugs outside of the Anglo pharmaceutical stronghold--that will eventually reverberate throughout the racist judicial system? It looks small: "Kim got a harmless person released." The larger picture goes unnoticed because art moves like the collective unconscious, however surfaces may appear. A black man actually walked into the Oval Office and said some wildly visionary, audacious things, and walked out with a mask on, a red hat. Very few were laughing in the moment, but that doesn't mean the laugh isn't coming. Donald Trump, as one of these culture-guarding minds, has to live out his very uncomfortable constriction every moment, no relief, and he personally can't be broken open, his illusory ego is too established, just like Taylor Swift's. He has to try to get louder, lie more, manipulate more, as in insanely trying to draw attention to anything else besides a public health crisis and he's supposedly the leader, the President, in the best interest of citizens, which is clearly laughable. Right white culture approves, nodding its head in moral indulgence and arrogant excitement with social license because they look--and only look, without the interior-- like Christ monotheistically has been created in the bound imagination to look. Kanye's not even allowed to exist, much less open his mouth. But what if he is Christ? He's still not allowed, he's black. Somehow Donald Trump is seen as Christ-like and heroic because he's white and rich and egotistical (with which whites have strongly and maliciously identified) as he tears down the system himself in his criminal ways, with even the unconditional brotherly love--which will also reverberate historically--from a non-judgmental black man. Who is actually more Christ-like but barred from existence while the clearly, unabashedly criminal to us all is celebrated? And was Christ not actually a Being with no body, no color--the interiority and shaman flight of UTMOST importance? The need for Kim and Kanye grows greater. As Lewis Hyde shows, the Coyote is deeply necessary for a closed-mind culture and might not be liked. Plato showed the ancient culture would be lost without Athena, and as Homer shows, herself a cunning trickster who defies the restrictions set up for her by a closed society for their own good. As Joseph Campbell states, "This is the threat to our lives. We all face it. We all operate in our society in relation to a system. Now is the system going to eat you up and relieve you of your humanity or are you going to be able to use the system to human purposes?" Kanye is overflowing with spirit energy. This shows the power of that energy and the female infusing culture. Kim would not be greater or better off if she took down Kanye (although she would be no less, she has been treated worse). She is home in her body and on earth that would not accept her before. Her Being, not seen, was culturally viewed as rape-worthy and expendable. That reverberates in unconsciousness across the planet and finds itself in the actions against a little girl, every little girl. Kanye did not ask permission, least of all ask permission from Taylor Swift (who has proven every moment since 2009 how undeserving she is and while calling herself a "national treasure"--which the public does not realize comes directly from her self-directed publicity as propaganda from things she has taken from others, and on the cover of a magazine where she continues to propagate the lie about dating Harry Styles while bringing up the hatred towards Tina Fey and Amy Poehler again, two years after the event. In the same interview she references a garden dying as she tries to kill John's garden in his "A Face to Call Home," the very heart and soul of the culture). And yet you can also now see Kim infusing culture with an aliveness, Beingness, and diversity that was not even permitted before. In fact, Taylor has explicitly shown she wants her harmed; She needs her harmed, as the culture did. While Taylor lied and based an entire identity and sales force on those lies and demanded all eyes be on her for the billionth time, while blacks sit in the audience ignored year after year after year with phenomenal music and acting and creation, or are relegated to "rap or urban" as Tyler the Creator in 2020, or nominated eight times as Jay Z was to be snubbed on all the awards themselves in 2018, and while Taylor foams at the mouth for another award (in order to stick it to Kim and everybody else), more sales, and more attention, Kanye changed the world.
Joyless, ungrateful, alone, insatiable . . . and eaten alive with negative energy caused by thoughts of more identity, just so she can harm others and sell that fake identity and try to call it "love" while having Kanye's hallway shape in the background to try to steal someone else's (divine) identity. Even the commentators are completely unaware--one even not Anglo while others like him go ignored--while searching for something socially-conditioned to say because it is Taylor, the hard, mind-bound white stronghold, and then commending her for showing "what it's really like" while not even noticing what it's really like.
Now what Taylor is going to want to do is to appear to make peace with Big Machine and Ithaca Holdings (because she can't do anything for real) so that it looks like the male social structure is all about her. She'll make a statement or a song that she loved John, did it all for love, and that she tried to help John do this all along. That's how she will attempt to make the whole thing about her. Her actual only way out is in, which she cannot do. Wherever Argos looks is fine, guarding Io, as Odysseus moves by, bringing the structure back home.
And so on to proving the lies . . .
Kanye released the video for "Coldest Winter" on 11 February 2010, which Taylor replicated in 2015;
Beyoncé released the video for "If I Were a Boy" on 2 October 2009, right after Kanye stood up for her work at the VMAs in September,
And so in 2019-2020 Taylor takes on replicating Beyoncé's work from that moment:
She even states so in her NPR Tiny Desk Concert: "It's something I've thought about about 7 hundred million times a day, uh, for the past ten years of my life":
Kanye West "Coldest Winter" (2010)
Taylor Swift, inserting herself as the "star," as if there were any dynamism at work there except copying, to sell Kanye's work in "Out of the Woods" (2015); But that is exactly what Kanye is showing, below surfaces
Friends Episode List (Sample)
The One After Ross Says Rachel
The One With All The Kissing
The One With The Triplets
The One Where Phoebe Hates PBS
TaylorSwiftNow (entitled that because I was listening at the time to EckhartTolleNow) Episode List
That One Time . . . I Surprised My Fans
That One Time . . . I Was Nostalgic
That One Time . . . I Went on Tour
"I. I. I. I. I . . ."
"John Mayer Has a TV Show" 20 January 2008
News Announcement: "Taylor Swift has a TV Channel" 2016
John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston December 2008 Photo Source: Gawker
Taylor Swift 2009 Complex.com
Taylor replicating John on her guitar style for NPR Tiny Desk Concert; Guitar teacher from Art-of-the-Guitar notices; Taylor is also copying John writing "You're Gonna Live Forever in Me" on the piano in that same Tiny Desk Concert (above); In that performance when she is talking about the life of the song "All Too Well" she is repeating John almost verbatim of what he has said of his songs.
From John's ability to play most any song any ones names, Taylor takes the headline, "Taylor Calls the Tune" in Vanity Fair
Her lyrics for "Death by a Thousand Cuts" are referring to me writing about Helen from the Homeric epics, but her take on it of being the "victim," a cover for the abuser, always turning things around as abusers do; I would always sing Norah Jones' (Thomas Waits) song "The Long Way Home":
"Is there a light up ahead
I can't hold onto very long
Forgive me pretty baby but I always take the long way home"
"I take the long way home
I ask the traffic lights if it'll be alright
They say, 'I don't know'"
Also, an ad I shared with John on Tumblr near the beginning:
John's "Rosie" guitar and later his song "Rosie"
Lana Del Rey's lyrics "Blue Jeans":
"Blue jeans, white shirt
Walked into the room you know you made my eyes burn
It was like James Dean, for sure"
. . . "Say you'll remember, oh baby, say you'll remember oh baby ooh"
Taylor's lyrics for "Style":
"You got that James Dean daydream look in your eye / . . .
You've got that long hair slick back, white t-shirt
"Wildest Dreams": "Say you'll remember me"
"Surprisingly, the famous figure who gets the most elaborate attention is Lana Del Rey: Swift flat-out mimics her on “Wildest Dreams,” flitting between a fluttery soprano and deadpan alto, flipping lyrics so Lana — 'His hands are in my hair, his clothes are in my room' — that it’s hard to tell if the song is homage or parody."
Paul McCartney, Rihanna, and Kanye "FourFiveSeconds" (2015)
Stella McCartney with Taylor Swift Copying Kanye and Rihanna
Beyonce Homecoming (Coachella 2018)
Yet the conservative, rich, malicious, rule-bound, and whiteness of it is covered up, and put it out as mere insidious entertainment, in place of the music and what music does and can do, but appearing just like it with a different, hidden agenda. Behind closed doors was/is the same abuse of all these generations still poured out in old, "normal," condescending vitriol and enforced, socially-conditioned control. It goes deeper than Taylor just lying to the public and to her fans. She imposes an entire reality which is not true, which an aspect of gas-lighting. And as in politics, Taylor even taking on the rhetoric around her, parroting, an old trick of the sophists to the conservatives ("pro-life," but all those lives are in prison), and pontificating as a copycat, "who does not understand the words or acts being imitated," only how to manipulate them for self-gain and For Sale. It is a replica of the line of her money-hungry parents who lusted after the music world, not free alive expression, and now in a starved, cutesy body with a lot of artistic makeup, but the inner a very disturbed place.
The truth to Kanye and John hit to the core. And there I was, now arrived, saying of John, blown away "This is the realest human, the realest music, that has ever happened." There was no doubt that was true of Kanye, Jay Z, and Beyoncé, too, to only name a few in what was happening. We had just walked onto Shakedown Street and didn't know it. John and Kanye had just become public commodities that didn't belong to themselves, and for Taylor, what I was writing was just raising the bounty on John's head exponentially. She had already copied Jen Aniston's black leather jacket in getting photographed matching with John from their adorable pictures together, and to her I was nothing up against any of it except for her pilfering the material, my life's work, and fulfilling as the next target for her abuse and for which on-line served perfectly where she could hide it, as abusers do, and then appear to everyone else as the cutesy life of the party, just another face of the same manipulation. She could take the Friends' legacy if she wanted to, and tried. I knew the value of that music that could break through all the barriers, including the ones that held people to unawareness, but there was a ways for me to go: I held my own biases against popular culture (even though I looked at it as the power of mythology). John wasn't like that, he loved it all. He was open. And then also I was unaware of my own painful personal patterns, and those, too, would have to come down--all the way down, to be free of them. That's where Katheryn Hudson stepped in. She and John were god-sends. Oh yes, and U2.
Katy has a realness and incorruptibility that transcends any part of business, but then she naturally incorporates that into what becomes an over-the-top expression of her very real effervescence. In other words, the untamed, indecorous antics and larger-than-life displays of character and color are a natural artistic explosion of what goes on inside that then everyone gets to see. It's a dangerous game in the world's rules, putting one's realness out for display and judgment, but there is a strength inside of Katy that has always risen above what was happening outside those big, blue eyes. She's the embodiment of what can be expressed of one's heart and soul. She's the embodiment of tears and joy. She's a guide. She also knows she can push boundaries. It's a wild combination of guiding and urging. If anyone underestimated her, the trick is on them and for their own good. There were a lot of tears inside coming to that, but a fortitude that it all was deeply necessary. That those qualities rose to the top of Capitol records shows a phenomenal rightness and her numinous vitality beyond a human establishment that easily hardens and slips into and reinforces the inhumane, unable to free itself from its own structures. She's the spirit which enlivens everyone else.
And here is one way in which John was better than me. He knew it. He knew visions I could not yet see of Justin Bieber, Keith Urban, One Direction, and of the Kardashians, and he was excited. He knew what Kanye was, and he was naturally in awe and he adored it. He celebrated it. That was going to be an amazing, to say the least, door to open. I would be opening to my true self, too. I loved the music, but was blocked in; he saw something beyond the divisions, beyond the judgments. It was because of what he knew for certain of himself and there was no reason to doubt it, although it could come with a lot of pain. He had almost a parental love for all of it, the boy and the daddy-to-be already with a big family he wanted to get along. He was alive with the music, and he held no fear that old standards had to keep anyone out or protect it. In his own words, there was room for everyone. This very young master musician of the John Mayer Trio who could rip apart the blues like it was 1945, suddenly on a Friday afternoon radio show in 2010 was playing Katy's "California Girls." I was baffled. What was this? No one had allowed for him to love pop princess Jessica Simpson, and maybe that tore him up inside, I do not know, but he loved, and he loved music. He also wanted to be what he was: John Mayer, extraordinary guitarist, singer-songwriter with a way of bringing out the very real, just 32, very funny guy, and yet everybody had rules for that. What had astounded me about John at first was his internal navigation system. There he was on stage, filling the arena with Presence, with indomitable-ness as himself. He had accessed within himself an embodiment of his own spirit in music through extreme diligence and carefully-honed, other-worldly talent and uncanny insight. The rest of the stage show brought it out, too. This wasn't a creation or a planned packaging for what the audience wanted. And it wasn't agenda. This was John. I had never seen it done: the realness of a person overcoming everything and leaving it shaking.
The other complex aspect of what was in play of which I direly lacked awareness and that would take hard years to figure out, was what all had intersected that night of 1 April 2010 in Vancouver, B.C. I had no idea at that point of what Taylor Swift was doing or that there was any connection. All I knew of her was that one weekend, sometime before that, when I took my young nieces to Holiday Inn to have a slumber party and hang out by the pool, my oldest niece showed me a couple of Taylor's videos that she was so excited about. I watched Taylor dance around as Juliet, and I think maybe be the nerd in "You Belong with Me." I delighted in it with my niece, sharing her fun, having fun together. We closed the computer and went out by the pool. And so that was not in my purview, it was what my niece liked, and I loved sharing what she loved with her. Naturally, I adore her. I had never seen a connection that Taylor would later try to force me to see on-line. I did start to read about what John was going through in the press. Taylor was not visibly a part of that until she could make herself so.
What was happening on the trip to Vancouver was that I had been so moved, so struck in seeing John in Austin, that something within me had come undone. And so that night in Vancouver in 2010, my Being, my heart, had shifted towards the very real. The concert was beyond unbelievable, the things that happened. Before getting there I knew my ticket was front row, but I had not realized that it was also center, right in front of John. John looked so deeply at me I had never experienced anything like it before. Song after song, he looked back, not like you'd look at someone you didn't know, this was recognition going on. I wrote later to him that it felt like he was trying to figure out who I was, like he already knew. I know now how highly intelligent and aware he is. In that moment this very deep Being was looking into me and moving. I was stripped down to no imagined cover. My thought was, "He's not supposed to be able to do this to me" as I was melting. My Being's freedom was setting in. I had been writing a screenplay that had included this character with wings that she kept tied up, written in 2008, but now the other parts of that story lost significance for me, even though they were also about being trapped, personally and in society, and what was happening inwardly became what I had to write. I came to understand the magic of writing--the writing process is the rite. The seagulls in Vancouver lighting on my balcony were the message that John was there and that this was right.
That night something else happened during the concert that was deeply meaningful, cutting to the moment in a way that no one else would have been able to express. How much had he picked up on? I know looking back at each other was not an ordinary thing. It had never happened to me before, a recognition like that, and I did sense a great deal of pain from him. The recognition was not of this world. He sang a new acoustic song that night called "Somebody Loves You" and the lyrics could not have articulated more what we were going through, never having met: "We were born out of the same pain / And when we found our way to one another / We were bleeding from the same vein."
It was an extraordinary statement, too, given that like in the Odyssey, and in his lyrics, "Sometimes you'll have to go off to sea without me," we were going to spend the next ten years like this. Added to this, that night I was handed the poster of the "Sun" flower that matched my ring and John had signed it.
What was strange, but what was universally at work, was the next test. Taylor Swift had a rage and ruthlessness to hurt to get her way, and disloyalty and propensity to call it love and happiness in the damaged mental-illness, to go to an extreme, even when she had no right to do so, to try to get someone to not abandon her--and now to a psychotic, public extent. It was also kept hidden. Eckhart Tolle and Mooji and others say it just takes one sādhanā, one big thing to make it through to true Being. What was odd was that the universe presented the passage in a funny, loving, kind-spirited way: Katy Perry. I was about to learn how to trust. I was about to learn what John saw. It was going to open more than music in a phenomenal way, it was going to open Being. And so strangely, what was lining up were these things that had been with me every step: not just the personal, but also the cultural. It is what I had been writing to John from the beginning.
John went off-line that fall 2010 because of Taylor's online tracking of us both and to clear his head and reset and to go back to the thing he did deepest and best: writing music, writing Born & Raised. Taylor released the stolen material album and harassment in October on Speak Now, already on a rampage of press filled with repeating us and lies, mimicking, and stolen material in the videos. I was left in the silence to figure out what to do personally. In December, as I write above about "Face to Call Home," it was evident to us both that this was the real thing. It was something beyond extraordinary. There was a deep, undeniable current happening and a much larger picture, too. After December I went back to writing him on-line, trying to make it private. I didn't realize that Taylor had zero personal grounding and had moved in with us--Kanye's sculpture is right--but the positive outweighed this in the very natural burst of personhood and writing, which was such an intense struggle in itself, but it was the path and the bigger draw. John encouraged me to do what he was doing: write the screenplay I had been writing. He knew to go deep. He knew to follow the guitar. He surrounded himself with the best friends, the best musicians. He got real. He started going deep in friendships, too. He met Andy Cohen and they had an immediate, strong bond. I left the ranch where I had lived alone for about seven years, writing and making the movie, and my dad took it over, and I made the move to New Mexico, with a stopover in Uvalde where I got offered the opportunity to direct at the opera house.
Now I see this as this unmistakable important time with my dad. I did a run of three shows, two with my dad starring in them, Neil Simon's God's Favorite and Chicago. Audiences loved him. Of course it was a struggle in many ways as productions are, but it was enjoyable. (And I blew the money on Vegas with friends.) I was a different kind of director, working on nuances and dynamics to bring out the very real, not authoritarian like some wanted me to be, expecting demanding and loud. I like to work to show actors insight to make something really stand out and pull the audience in, not what most people expect in a theater director. At the final cast party was when the cast finally got it and thanked me for the way we had worked and how dynamic and alive it was. I had begun in theater about seven years old in an original production about Queen Esther from the Hebrew bible. I did children's theater at a local university, and then the One-Act Play competition throughout high school, along with poetry reading in UIL. When I went to begin teaching high school senior English, I was asked to get theater certification and took over the theater department for four years, directing productions and musicals throughout the year. I also taught my students stand-up comedy and wrote SNL-type skits. We did yoga for warm-ups. My love stayed in movies at the time, and one year, in competition our play lost, but that wasn't the end of it. A judge stood up after the scoring and berated me about how our play wasn't a play, it was a movie. I was thrilled. We had pulled off a live movie. Those desires are gone in me now, even writing movies. I see I was trying to bridge a gap between what was internal and how to make a living with those symbols and images, and that was filling in a gap the universe didn't need me to fill in. (Giving up how things will go and what you will do and how you will get by is part of the sādhanā.) So now all of this stands out that I was able to "see" and create and move on, further into Being, and let the art move into the real, an unfathomable thing, but certainly I had to loosen my grip and let it BE. Another thing that altered was trying to get artists to "see" what I saw, and the funny thing is then the director wasn't needed. I was free to Be, and the artists were free to Be and create, but certainly it was personally a free-fall into come what may, receding from the world's ideas and pressures, letting go into the greater sphere: "There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy." The expression of the universe is so much larger than one could predict or control, and the instead "falling in love" with it was heretofore incomprehensible, but that's where the deep joy is. Otherwise--what I couldn't see before--One isn't Being, he/she is chasing and trying and the suffering is great, the pain even going more extreme and more intense the harder one pushes.
Falling in love with it the way it is is a hard and wild thing. It is the door inward to unfathomable beauty. It's the hardest thing one will ever do, to go into the deepest, original Being.
Another undercurrent that was happening at the time is that during this time of John writing Born & Raised, he was down-to-earth living and recording in New York City and was listening to Bob Dylan's Blood on the Tracks. Listening back to that album now in "Tangled Up in Blue" I heard Polyphonic on YouTube draw attention to lines that are most likely about Dante and Beatrice, and around 1285, this wild alignment in the planets of this very moment in Capricorn (which is in my natal house of long distance travel/higher learning and fathers/experts/fame), and when Dante wrote La Vita Nuova, which is the beginning of all the art that would explode straight from this divine love for Beatrice.
"I thought you'd never say hello, she said
You look like the silent type
Then she opened up a book of poems
And handed it to me
Written by an Italian poet
From the thirteenth century
And everyone of them words rang true
And glowed like burnin' coal
Pourin' off of every page
Like it was written in my soul
From me to you
Tangled up in blue"
Born & Raised
And so in 2010-2011, as I was directing plays where Pat Garret had been and him leading to Dylan's song "Knockin' on Heaven's Door," and with my dad with whom I had made a western, and across the street from our "Rosa's Cantina," John was listening to this masterpiece of Bob Dylan's that was alluding to what would come to life in this very moment. The influence of that album is also now uncanny in Dylan's song and John's lyrics in "Queen of California": "If You See Her, Say Hello" and from this, her saying, "I thought you'd never say hello . . ." In July 2011 is when I serendipitously pulled up with Bob on his July 1961 50th anniversary with Suze Rotolo, just as John was listening to this. The year before I had just been where they had met, at the start of knowing John and also of him singing "A Face to Call Home" at the Village Underground there. Bob was life-long friends with Allen Ginsberg, the author of Howl, a gay and body and voice manifesto, and the subsequent arrests within days of the beginning of BSW, this journal in June 1957. Allen Ginsberg passed in 1997, when the journal came to me. While Suze was still alive when I was in New York City, 49 years since she and Dylan had met, she passed in February 2011, before I would drive up in July on the 50th anniversary.
That night Leon Russell sang "A Song for You" and Dylan played, "Tangled Up in Blue" (setlist.fm). (Below Taylor mimics what I was writing to John in 2010 in copying this pose with Jake Gyllenhaal and selling it to the public as a "relationship.")
"As I was walkin' away
I heard her say over my shoulder
We'll meet again some day
On the avenue
Tangled up in blue"
Billboard Magazine 10 November 2018 "The Freewheelin' John Mayer"
This is the cover and article that would send Taylor Swift into a road case
Leaving for Dylan that night to drive from Uvalde to New Braunfels, Texas, where I would turn onto the road back to the venue the same moment as Bob, "on the avenue . . . ":
Now what an incredible honor to realize that in that time since then I got to write of the flow of art and music to this moment in Coyote Weaves a Song. That tie to literature is so strongly seen in both Bob Dylan's work, he winning the Nobel Prize for Literature in 2016, and in the Grateful Dead catalog.
A Tumblr post from Austin from that same time (2011) where I was taking a master class in filmmaking at UT:
(I think I remember Harvey Weinstein was a guest or was going to be a guest via telecom.)
One of the graphic designs I did for our Chicago production that is fortuitous, auspicious of the Sistine Chapel Ceiling along with Kanye and Kim and their North, Saint, Chicago, and Psalm:
My favorite dress at that time (my Tumblr posts), Alexander McQueen's "Oyster Dress" because it looks just like coming out of the ocean:
Leaving the ranch meant things I didn't foresee at the time. I didn't know I was leaving the animals unprotected and I'd never be back at the ranch the same. My two shih-tzus that I had had for twelve years died a month apart from each other. I had taken them away from their home. I felt horrible for it, they were so vulnerable and had been by my side for years. A horse I adored got given away, another shot. I went back to get another dog, an eighteen year old George, the most loyal little white dog ever, and he had gone blind and was eaten up with fleas and couldn't help himself. I had to take him to be put to sleep. For an unconsciously scared, unconsciously unsure person who lived for animals, I was stepping out into a come-what-may uncertainty and the reality of it was tearing me up. The bottom was going to keep dropping out, over and over, the old life never there for me again. In 2011 on John's birthday I got robbed, including all my photography equipment, while on the way to New Mexico. Later on I had to abandon the RV I had meticulously remodeled because I could not figure out how to tow my car. The universe was stripping me down.
One aspect about leaving situations like that, that people don't normally realize, that the therapists and healers point out (much later), is that an abuser will never, ever let you leave with anything--no self-esteem, no way to make it, etc., nothing of your old world--and this is what happened with John, too, when Taylor released "Dear John" to hit him as hard as she could when he was already down, even when she didn't have a case against him. It was the same with what I was going through. You are never free to go or offered encouragement (which is what I kept asking for), you are ripped apart for the audacity of trying. This is the door I could never make it through. I was raised in this situation, had stayed close to family for every reason (they lived in the next town over), so I had no knowledge or understanding or insight or fortitude or self-preservation from a lifetime of this. I knew nothing else. I always looked at the good of what we had. I was very smart and had worked quickly up into teaching college by the time I was 25. I didn't question my abilities. But that is why after all those years these things poured out, openly and honestly to John. In my mind I thought for sure I could go on my own, but the underpinnings were very hard. John became a sage to me who did have insight into me. I applied for jobs to get back into academia, but that wasn't the universe's plan, and no matter what I tried in that, it just wouldn't work. What was open was my family's place in New Mexico, an empty cabin/condo where I would sometimes go to write, and the waiting nature that would become so healing. For awhile I would go back and forth to Texas, trying to maintain both worlds. I had my photography and marketing work, and so I could travel. I assumed John wanted time to write and record his album, then I'd see him. He made plans to come to Austin to play. Instead, he got a granuloma in his throat and could not sing or tour. Taylor was still now even more heavily harassing him, repeating every word, hitting every time he would go to release something or say something. And so throughout 2011 I directed plays and I went to watch John in Las Vegas. Into 2012 I thought I was going to see him when he released Born & Raised. Taylor immediately released things in conjunction with Born & Raised, mimicking him, still stealing form me.
What happened in the summer of 2012 I guess I should have seen coming, but nothing ever hit me harder. I lost all grounding I was trying to find on my own. Katy Perry stepped into the picture as a protective spirit of John. She put herself into the line of fire, right into the line of abuse from Taylor that Taylor was pouring out on us. Katy did it with love, beauty, and grace. John and Katy became a couple, so very good to each other, and all the while, now both of them, sending love and encouragement to me. At first, I fled back to Texas. I had zero grounding. John still kept saying to stick to the art. And so at the end of 2012, with my friend Dulce, we went to her family's places in Mexico, where I was so unbelievably warmly welcomed, and on to San Miguel de Allende, and made Apocalypse of the Heart / "Something Like Olivia." I still had plans of that point of making the entire independent film, but when my family relationships fell completely apart, I started writing earnestly and hard on the literary journal Books of the Southwest. That's when I started making deeper, beyond-this-world discoveries in the art and literature. It was a magic I knew I could do, had done when I taught, but now it took center-focus as I had never allowed it to before. I took the space and time and it opened up a new dimension. I started giving my own Being time and space. I was scared to death.
What was triggered with Katy was my complete distrust of everyon. Now I had to face it. I was writing about music, had been writing about music the whole time, but now here it was, this realness of it, and John's boundary-less-ness of it and a broader vision. That bigger picture I had written about was coming true, unbelievably so. He knew of Katy what I had never opened myself to see in people or in music. I was crushed and my patterns flared: jealousy, insecurity, and groundlessness over Katy's situation and in disbelief that John had "chosen Katy." I was pure tears. I could not see daylight. I worked and wrote just to be okay. I hiked every day with my two dogs, Moonbeam and Custard. I sought counseling. I studied enlightenment. I started learning herbs to heal. I got deeper and deeper into the writing. Now Taylor targeted us all, harder. She went after Katy. Taylor was furious for control, when none of it actually belonged to her. She had no place in it, but it was capable of showing her guilt. Slowly, I had to put my trust into why Katy did what she did. It wasn't to replace me or erase me. I was unable to publicly face off Taylor Swift, and it wouldn't do anyone any good. I am a quiet, introverted writer, and my universal path was to go inward, all the way to Being, a very hard path, before it could ever be outward. We started realizing this more and more from what I was writing about the Odyssey. I recognized Katy's role as Athena: she could culturally change things. She was brilliant at it. She and John made "Who You Love" together for John's Paradise Valley, and it was the perfect expression of everything that had been up against John, from Jessica and Jennifer, now even to Katy and Andy Cohen. And now, instead of just a culture learning, becoming more aware, I had to learn to love and fully trust this female, and all John's friends, something I had never been able to do. All of the walls had to be broken down: I was no longer "independent" and going to do it myself. I was no longer going to be "successful." I had to release it. The forms I thought I would create were no longer mine. I wasn't going to have money. I wasn't going to be able to travel but very little and on a very small budget. I was going to be alone. I was going to bury treasured beings by myself. My nieces were told/taught that I'm a failure and that they should definitely do everything completely different from what I had done and settle into relationships, for example, as I had been pressured. I was going to face long winters and summer hikes alone. There was nothing to look forward to. My writing was my way of coping, and actually it felt horrible sometimes, that even though it was reaching these like-minded individuals and was wildly inspiring, it was not rewarding to me in form--no money, no recognition, no friendships in person, no arms to hold me. What it was was a complete leaving of the old world and the way things operate in it behind, and while that is very hard to do, there was really nothing of the old world and ways of things that I wanted. It had no place for me. I had to let go of ego, and that means all thoughts of form, and come completely into the original Presence all by itself with no thoughts, no concerns, no worries, no projections, and that would take the full ten years. It took the death of my Bichon Moonbeam, who is like my child, in 2015, and then the death of my father in 2019. It just wasn't going to be easy. It took very long, hard hikes in the mountains and forests, just me and my little Yorkie. It took going inward all the way. It took letting go of every thought. It took stopping trying to heal people. It took, as Shri Mooji says, "falling in love with my own Presence." And every step of the way there was an out pour of love to me from the human Beings in very real music and an opening of the art and music. I was writing to them, finding this way, and they were "writing back," Present the whole time. Out of normal perception, things were moving. Inside of this, during all of this, I looked closer at the art and literature, and I was blown away at what I found. It was absolutely miraculous. And these humans became Beings. I could finally feel them. I could see their immense beauty. I came to adore watching them shine. The love they poured back is extraordinary and it is a very alive and real thing, incredibly more real than anything in that previous divided world. The Beings, the music are alive. I was finally learning how to be open and to love.
That one sādhanā can take you places you wouldn't normally have gotten to go. It can change things on a profound level. It has definitely opened a different dimension to culture that is working, almost imperceptibly moving symbols and definitions even if no one else has been able to pinpoint exactly what is happening. The explosion and the insanity of Trump is no accident. In ancient mythology, it is exactly what is said will happen when the feminine is opened. Even as the feminist of the 1960s fought valiantly hard against the system--they were also showing as Virginia Woolf wrote in A Room of One's Own, outright conflict has its weaknesses, throwing the energy and center of one's own power off-base: white men weren't having to write against anything, so they could go deep. It is true of what was parallel in the 60s--protests and Be-ins--that can now take hold because of how the art still moves. When Madonna, Beyoncé, Katy, Celine, Lady Gaga, Hillary Clinton, Michelle Obama, Oprah Winfrey, Maya Angelou, Rihanna, Nicki Minaj, Angelina Jolie started coming into their own centers and speaking from that and then started opening the images that had been denied to them in psyche and creation and therefore culture, that is the moment the feminine was actually reopening from its natural prehistoric forerunner. It also comes with explosion because once that barrier is not held back, there is no longer a barrier. It puts everything into movement, or "on the road." It suddenly and explosively comes with black, brown, off-white™, transwomen, bisexuality, dwarfism, whatever pronoun you choose or do not choose, or genitalia, personal choices as to what you will and will not do, breaking out of abuse by just walking out the door, even if you lose everything in form but walk out with your Being. In this, embedded in it, it is all a natural step towards Being, and towards cultural consciousness. There's no power to Donald Trump. He's a mirage against what is happening. He's all ego, no Being. He's way off center, even if he can cause harm. People will gain awareness as to the abuse these damaged entities unconsciously and viciously hand out, but more importantly, people will stop accepting abuse, no matter what package it comes in. You see, in John's seemingly small step in not budging on loving it all, even when it tried to kill him, including loving Jessica Simpson, including refusing to be abused by the culture and by Taylor Swift, including choosing audaciously against the expected to be single or couple with whom he chose, including "telling" me there were some things he had to do, he was opening a path for the spirit of the thing to take a stand: His Being and his insistence on that opened the path for other Beings. His center gave place, space and time, strength and fortitude to my center. This is true of Kanye as well, right beside him. By staying indomitable, in saying Beyoncé's work is the best of all time up against a system that told him they'll kill him if he interrupts decorum over humanity, he opened the path to say, you will no longer call my wife a whore. In fact, you're going to be blown away by her intelligence, power, and beauty. You're gonna be wearing MY shoes and walk where I walk and see what I see. And when Vogue and Anna Wintour realized she is the very author, the voice, the powerful creator of psyche to image, she was no longer bound by those same white restrictions. What's Kanye going to say next? Completely prophetic and moving beyond even normal perception. That's one reason why Taylor is so extremely jealous and copies their every word and image. That, too, is written prophetically into ancient mythology: Helen and the sirens did the exact thing and Homer, the true voice, sung it. That's why, when you open it, you find music and art moving in an astonishing way, and the worlds opening with them.
What is Athena to Penelope? What is Katy? What is Beyoncé? Carrie Underwood, Miranda Lambert, Nicole Kidman, Jennifer Lopez, Shakira? Athena is the outward symbol, the outward movement visibly moving powerfully in culture, the warrior of which Plato speaks, physically weaving with metis, "cunning intelligence" moving, as scholars show: as poetry itself moves and opens, just as the Muses operate; She is the human goddess. Penelope is the eternal inner Being "in her chamber," inside the body, beneath the surface, Being weaving herself into Form, weaving her world from the eternal, and by this very divinity, the inner Being where this can only be done--from this Center--AND by her true identity weaving her husband's divine form into time and space, and with it the true lineage of her son and of her father-in-law, the line of loving the women of Hermes, weaving the true lineage. She is the goddess human, the divine in the body, and together they socially show the entire feminine symbol, which are stunningly brilliant aspects of each other, inward and outward, and which would be impossible each without the other. It is the expression of the universe's consciousness in its highest, most beautiful way, miraculous form and the eternal. Reunited with now the divine form of her husband and the different lineage, she is in the infusion of culture itself, the structure restructured. Transformation within has taken place, the mystery rite has taken place and the line of the eternal within the feminine has been discovered within oneself and the path taken through the Poetry, through the Song, and that is the infusion of now alive culture.
There is a second set of inward/outward:
Helen is the empty outer shell, the covering hiding nothing: no inner Being, no weave, just a Repetition. She, a duplicitous Siren, has only been able to repeat what she has heard on the grapevine, on Instagram, on other people's records, from other people's work and images, and does not know what is coming because she does not know what already IS. She is consumed with ego which is made up of jealousy, hate, deceitfulness and no inner Being. What's in Taylor's road case? Nothing. There's nothing to find there but shock. Not a word of it was hers: an astonishing emptiness that was sold as something. This is one aspect of the shocking mystery rite. It is the shock of seeing one's own existence played out in an abusive, unaware culture, and awareness hits.
I didn't know fully what was wildly inside of me and to protect it until I knew John's strength. Then I recognized it. John wrote it years ago, because he knew it of himself: Inside Wants Out. John spent eight years in his bedroom learning, developing the inward with the talent. He knew. He knew what to tell me to do because he knew how invaluable, inviolable it is. Eighteen years ago (yesterday on 2.22.2020) on 2.22.2002, I appeared in court for a divorce and represented myself. I had been pressured into the relationship and had been trying to "keep the peace," and to find a protective barrier, but it was something to which I had never been able to give my Being. That was a miracle day for me personally although there was a long way to go. I could have asked for an annulment because it had been based on lies, but I wasn't aware enough in that moment. The judge, normally really hard on people, showed me such respect, and I was so grateful. I was reclaiming myself. Judge Mitchell became a big supporter of what I was doing in the arts there. Less than two months later on 15 April 2002 John released his first single, his first hit, "No Such Thing" and I was on my way to New York and Paris to stand in front of the Winged Victory.
* * *
What else had just happened when this reiteration of the road case news was assiduously delivered to Vogue? John's Current Mood with Cautious Clay and Cassie David and, consequently, now a new "friend" for Taylor to appear with and be publicly linked to John, and the undercover makings of the fixated, intrusive Lover. Where did the road case idea originally come from? June 2017, a month before I would meet John face to face after seven years of writing:
To further cover her tracks after the thinly-veiled public romantic episode with Tom, Taylor needed a more stable-seeming, long-term apparition until she could really amp it up to get through everyone to John with her Reputation, to publicly tie her self-made loud "reputation" to John's quieted one (and by daily tying her social media feeds to his, now in a more openly aggressive manner so that she might get "caught" and finally be the "renegade" story and associated with John), but John had already moved on with a deep course into the vast river of music with Dead & Company with the insurmountable challenge, both in the public eye and in musicianship, the other-worldly, inimitable, untouchable legacy of the flow of music through Jerry Garcia, and to legitimately, through true reverence, talent, and fortitude, stand beside Bob Weir, Mickey Hart, and Bill Kreutzmann, beyond legends themselves, not in any way to take Jerry's place, because no one could--it is an open spaciousness and a true presence--but to open the music--and the muse--again and the powerful impact that has continually flowed from them for over fifty years since the cultural tsunami of the 60s after all the world wars.
During this steep, yet amazingly fun and rewarding undertaking, was Taylor's single-minded agenda:
"The publicity with Joe Alwyn always takes place either before a release, such as a video at the VMAs, or when someone like Beyoncé may have something happening. Taylor was also trying to assume a position on an 'island' [by taking Joe to islands] to be like Calypso who traps Odysseus in the Odyssey to stay with her; I had written a screenplay called Shakespeare in the Dark years before; I had also written about reading the biographies of the British female monarchy as a child, and so there was publicity about Joe being in a Shakespeare movie [and Taylor of course making "visable/secret" appearances at the premieres]; she was photographed on hikes with him in L.A. because Katy and John were photographed there, and because I go hiking every day." (Tapestry)
* * *
After "Style" in 2015 in her tear on Katy for being with John, what she had claimed as her public material, she then released "Bad Blood" on 17 May to spell out the venom secretly to the public so that they would confusedly take her victim/predator non-explanation over what she told Rolling Stone, while replicating my work on the cover, was a problem with Katy's dancers, as if new dancers wouldn't work tirelessly around the clock to learn new choreography and get a tour gig. Were there no understudies for injuries? But now there was clearly hidden reasoning in Taylor's mind for malice, her "hidden" relationship with John, as John went ahead and lived his life, and so she tried to take on Katy's public standing.
Taylor released the very next month following the Fare Thee Well shows a video for "Wildest Dreams" which was based on a screenplay I had written called Wild Blue Yonder, along with the replication of me having the old car for advertisement when I opened Chicago at the old opera house in Uvalde, Texas in 2011, and flirtatious images of wild animals I had sent to John, including very specifically tigers, zebras, and elephants, romantic tent images, and talking about Crosby, Stills, & Nash's song "Marrakech Express" with the lyrics "Looking at the world / Through the sunset in your eyes" from which Taylor matches the lyrics, "He said, "Let's get out of this town / Drive out of the city / Away from the crowds" . . . "staring at the sunset babe." And CSN's lyrics, "Sweeping cobwebs from the edges of my mind" becoming her, "Say you'll remember me."
My Tumblr reblogs:
Tumblr Reblog, Source Unknown
Tumblr Reblog, Source Unknown
Tumblr Reblog, Source Unknown
My own elephant necklaces
My own photo, world map, art from Louvre
Tumblr Reblog, Source Unknown
Reblog of John photoshopped in a tent
Tumblr Reblog, Source Unknown
Tumblr Reblog, Source Unknown
The first photo about this that I had posted was this funny picture of a group of zebras and an elephant happily going the opposite direction, and I told John it reminded me of him, the way he is; then the laugh became that I had suggested John was an "elephant."
A percentage of proceeds of my movie Road to El Paso were to go to the New Mexican Wild Horse Project, and so Taylor put at the end of her video for "Wildest Dreams" the same, going to African animals. Because I had started my own production company in 2005, Texas Ranch Productions, LLC, Taylor, with hurriedly trying to replicate anything that I would have in my published book My Love Affair with Moonbeam, "started her own production company, Taylor Swift Productions." The opening credits for my movie she uses in her "Christmas Tree Farm" (2019), she falling down like I did as a baby in old family footage (I was using it as funny, being the director of the movie), in the lyric video for "Lover," and in the "attic" of the video for "Lover," which also features a red front door like mine. She made "Wildest Dreams" like an old movie set and premiere because my movie featured "old western footage," and parts of it made around the old opera house.
January 2003, with my Ralph Lauren Red Walls
Some more private posts from then (2011):
Taylor's song and video for "Everything Has Changed" with Ed Sheeran came from my "Until I Was Seven" video, the "Something Like Olivia" video, and from my writing:
Still from Apocalypse of the Heart / "Something Like Olivia"
Drawing a rainbow
Other images that became her "ideas":
Opening still from Apocalypse of the Heart / "Something Like Olivia"
"Blank Space"; Still mimicking the red and blue from the Tumblr post of Barbara Palvin as threat--in her mind--because of the French I loved (I took French classes as a child at a college in Ft. Worth), me writing about John playing the blues and me loving the deep reds, and also him writing in "Queen of California" "Joni wrote Blue in her house by the sea / I gotta believe there's another color waiting on me / To set me free."
Set exterior Apocalypse of the Heart / "Something Like Olivia"
House and car replicated with Taylor placing her name over them and the lyrics she lifted
John and Katy outside the mission in Santa Barbara Image source
Old Tumblr Reblog on my page:
Tumblr Reblog, Source Unknown
I worked in photography, design, and marketing at the time with golf clients. Two of my advertisements:
John playing golf:
My previous Tumblr Reblog:
Natalia Vodianova and Jamie Dornan, Calvin Klein Jeans, Fall Winter 2004
Taylor also tries in the video to cut down the tree from the Odyssey.
And replicating John's Battle Studies Interactive Website
John Mayer Holiday Card "Cat Obsessed" Tumblr
A reblog telling John, "Honey, John Jr. let the cat out on the balcony again" (because of John's photos):
Tumblr Reblog, Source Unknown
Tumblr Reblog, Source Unknown
In the same year as "Blank Space" were images taken (from earlier) for her "Incredible Things" perfume ad and because I'm always writing about miraculous happenings:
Charmain Olivia Watercolor Reblog
Tumblr Reblog, Source Unknown
Image of John coming out of the ocean water; Taylor replicates and "communicates" with this while supposedly on a trip with Joe Alwyn, "staying between him and the shore" so that "Odysseus" (from my writing) "can't get home."
from Where the Light Is, which Taylor replicates on the Empire State Building in her "move" to New York City. I had written about how John really does naturally embody a place like where he goes, as to Japan or Los Angeles. In Where the Light Is in this opening scene he shows an alive spirit of it. After that, Taylor made a huge show of her move to where John and I had been and opening it with being on the Empire State Building.
When I was in Vancouver when I had just seen John, I bought a canvas of Marti Bofarull's painting of New York called "Meet Me At . . . ", which is what I did later that summer, go to New York to see him. I had made a post on Tumblr called "My View of New York City." I had just made a birthday cake for my 40th birthday; later Taylor took to the press to suggest that Jake or someone had "missed her birthday." Posts to John Summer 2010:
from My Love Affair with Moonbeam
wher her idea for Red started to come from; Tumblr posts Summer 2010
John Mayer Crossroads Guitar Festival, Dallas, 2010, YouTube wearing white sunglasses that Taylor then wears for her 1989 tour.
1989 World Tour, 2015, replicating Katy's Prismatic World Tour outfits and stage designs and John
Taylor is also replicating the ring I wore in the "legs" couch picture to John; I had also written that I don't usually wear sunglasses because in a dental surgery the surgeon placed a screw right where the sunglasses sit. She's copying the "Polaroids" from the BSW site where I had all the photos in frames and was calling them Polaroids in the file names.
Taylor Swift also lifting from John's song "Neon" for her 1989 imagery
Cosmopolitan July 2014
Taylor Swift replicates Katy's Cosmopolitan for Vogue Australia July 2018
I uploaded this and that was the moment Taylor put "Taylor Swift Nation" on Twitter.
I wrote about as a child, about seven years old, one of my favorite things was that I had a small flags from every country in the world. They came from a religious book store in Ft. Worth that was closing, they had hung around the ceiling of the entire shop, from what I remember, and it felt just like a miracle to have them.
"In 2013 when John released the videos of recording Paradise Valley playing his songs such as "Waiting on the Day," he has southwestern rugs in the shoot (having used rugs throughout his career). Taylor changed her Twitter profile picture to her sitting on a Southwestern rug. She was also emulating an article I had written on BSW about the Southwest and the storyteller Scherherazade."
Jean Auguste Dominique Ingres, La Grande Odalisque, 1814
The artwork with the article was this famous odalisque which Taylor then replicated the idea. Up until then she had kept the "half of her face" to match the half of John's Twitter profile picture before he deleted his account, keeping on with the "Half of My Heart."
At Aphrodite's Cradle, 1908, Sir Lawrence Alma Tadema
"When I posted an article about the 'coming sea-change' with a picture of Aphrodite's Cradle, Taylor appeared on the cover of Rolling Stone looking back by the ocean [with the title 'The New Life of Taylor Swift', trying to replicate the idea of what I had written about Aphrodite, and an article in which she alludes to the phone and computer tapping], but the article was about Santa Barbara where Katy Perry was born."
"Photos in a bathtub from October 18, 2007, and John in Rolling Stone by David LaChapelle, in a bathtub with wine, November 27, 2003; Taylor used it for the lyrics, 'I'm spilling wine in the bathtub'" [for "Dress" on Reputation (2017) which alludes again to the private photos of taking off the dress, and tries to "shame" through showing she had a video I made for him for the rest of the lyrics. From Tapestry: "When I first started writing John I was sewing a dress; then, in an interview John imagined the girl of his dreams in a dress; Taylor took it as lyrics for 'the girl in the dress cried the whole way home' in 'Dear John . . .'"
"When I left Vancouver I went home through Seattle and bought a scarf because Jimi was from there; it is red and blue, something I wrote to John about. When John was at Woodstock on the Battle Studies Tour I wrote to him, " . . . when a passionate artist with a beautiful spirit stands on the spot of that dream, it is poetry."
"I had an overwhelming compulsion to reach out to him; I wrote to him asking if I should write an article so that people would understand the power of what he was doing with the music; I asked if he wanted me to speak out; Taylor's album became 'Speak Now.'"
I have written different places of where Taylor's lyrics and song titles came from for her albums, beginning with Speak Now. The video for "Mean" came from making fun of my movie Road to El Paso and where I am sitting on a tractor in an opening scene, then later Taylor would claim to be a "farm" girl, even though her parents obviously worked in finance.
The pictures of deer that I would take around my place in New Mexico show up in several videos like "Blank Space" and "Safe and Sound."
Tumblr Reblog, Source Unknown
Words I wrote to John; Sculpture had been one of my favorites, Camille Claudel's The Waltz; I loved the sculptures of hers and Rodin's where the female and lovers are coming out of the water, tree roots, or the earth
Pages from My Love Affair with Moonbeam
One of the places Taylor took the idea to "write to Apple Music"
A poem of mine where Taylor took the words for "Red": "Memorizing him was as
Easy as knowing all the words to your old favorite song"; John had talked about having synesthesia, the description of which is: "Chromesthesia. Another common form of synesthesia is the association of sounds with colors"; She is referring to John and I communicating without having met in the lyric "Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met." She was angry about my crossword puzzles to him in the line, "Trying to solve a crossword and realizing there's no right answer"
This became Taylor's video for "Back to December" to twist what I had written years earlier matching John's "Slow Dancing in a Burning Room"; She uses it again in the video for "You Need to Calm Down" by the phone catching fire and throwing it on the bed, and suggesting my bed and RV go up in flames
Taylor took the "drowning" from my poem (above) for the lyrics for "I Knew You Were Trouble" along with the images (I have written about in other places) I had posted for Las Vegas, "You Found Me," The lyrics "the joke is on me" is about the day John and I first saw each other, April Fool's Day; "Lying on the cold, hard ground is from the screenplay Apocalypse of the Heart; The lyrics, "That you never loved me / Or her / Or anyone / Or anything" come from John's lyrics in "Half of My Heart," "I was made to believe I'd never love somebody else / I made a plan, stay the man who can only love himself" in another attempt to keep publicly abusing him two years after Speak Now (zero healing or growth having taken place); The set of her AMA performance of "I Knew You Were Trouble" in 2012 is from me having written a screenplay on Edgar Allan Poe and where she also copies Katy's stage moves almost identical; From these images of Las Vegas and Mexico which is also when Taylor began going public with a "squad" of girls and being seen more with Selena Gomez; especially after I filmed "Something Like Olivia"; Because I had written to John about the movie Nine (above), she took on that persona in 1989.
from My Love Affair with Moonbeam
After Taylor found this poem that I had posted privately, she made a public display of acting like she was tripping on stairs; She also then made a display of copyrighting and trying to trademark things like the word "Girl"
My poems, pages from My Love Affair with Moonbeam
John Mayer Paradise Valley (2013) John playing the piano;
When John released "Shadow Days" on 6 March 2012
Taylor did a Covergirl ad with the line "Don't stand in anyone's shadow" in 2012 Allure Magazine, trying to be his shadow
John's 2019 World Tour Set Design
John's set design Spring 2019 with woods
Taylor copies him at the 2019 AMAs for "Artist of the Decade" (her use of them before with "Out of the Woods" was also a reference to where I live and John's use of them in the video for "Queen of California")
Taylor copies John and writes to Apple knowing she is stealing true artists' rights the whole time
John Mayer's "Who Says" official video © Columbia Records
Taylor tried to publicly place herself in John's New York apartment in the 30 September 2010 issue of Rolling Stone by copying what he is wearing in his November 2009 video for "Who Says" right before she released "Dear John" as she pressed to make it look like a relationship had happened for sales and to taunt John; For ten+ years she has been copying his every step
30 September 2010 Rolling Stone © Rolling Stone
John's "wings" from Battle Studies, one thing that Taylor copied on her Speak Now cover artwork; Image source: Billboard
One of Taylor's further copyright infringement against Columbia Records and Sony Music, ten years later, still inserting herself into his identity and his work.
John playing Austin City Limits 25 October 2007, Photo Source unknown
John "playing the SRV ‘Lipstick’ Stratocaster at the Austin City Limits in 2007" (groundguitar.com); According to groundguitar.com, "The pickups in the guitar are based on the vintage Danelectro pickups, most likely Seymour Duncan’s Lipstick Tubes."
From the year before, a photo shoot I shared with John for Road to El Paso, arriving at the old opera house (the meta data for the photograph shows New Year's Eve 1903), from December 2006, when John had just released Continuum with "Waiting on the World to Change"; Right before my independent film premiere in early 2007 John played the 49th Grammys.
A photo I shared with John from 2003:
Taylor inserting herself in 2013 on tour,
Photos to John in 2013 and seeing his Paradise Valley Tour in Minneapolis 2013:
Taylor's "Bad Blood" response in 2015
A photo to John on 19 August 2011,
after which Taylor started showing her legs in every photograph
With Moonbeam on 17 August 2011 (I had had him for four years here, having gotten him on 19 August 2007):
Cooking photos for John 20 August 2011, after which Taylor was everybody's home baker:
"His code name on tour became 'Big Pilot.' And he added the logo typically found on pilot’s watches (a triangle and two dots) to the 12th fret of his John Mayer signature acoustic guitar by C. F. Martin & Company. 'It’s a little didactic, and cartoonishly so,' he said. 'But this thing became my slide rule, my horizon line.'"
Taylor in "Surprising Gena" in Columbus, Ohio, replicates the letters as "LOVE"
Handmade gifts for friends from inside my car:
More handmade gifts:
Taylor making sure to photograph the gifts in the car with her from "Surprising Gena."
Taylor makes sure to show the chalkboard to show that she is seeing inside my cabin in New Mexico. She replicates the picture on the counter in another video.
Taylor making sure she is videoed baking in her "secret session," then a close up of her hands, then the window to look like Penelope in the Odyssey looking out on "Watch Hill," and then by a four post bed because of pictures I posted to John.
In the On Being I wrote: "Each night of her Reputation tour people who showed the most delirious infatuation (the evidence is documented on social media and YouTube, as she knows they will document it) and delusion to her con, were invited to her make-believe throne to be mind-reinforced about their admiration for her, an effort to solidify and continue this sycophancy, their own lives closed without awareness . . . She seeks to make sure no one awakes--not even her fans."
Taylor's 1989 "Secret Session":
Taylor opens with a typewriter typing because John said he wrote Born & Raised on an old typewriter and that is what was the header on BSW at the time, an antique typewriter, then making sure she is seen baking, a close-up of her hands, looking out the widow's window, and sitting on a four-poster
In her video of 31 December 2014 naming Christmas after herself in all caps, in Taylor Swift's Gift Giving of 2014 | SWIFTMAS she is again actually using the most dedicated and least suspecting fans, the most vulnerable (those unable in the moment to see past the filter that they love her and the ones most likely to put it online) to continue to stalk John and me while even tagging it "#TayLurking" and saying how she searched through all kinds of personal information--which she has actually done far past legalities--of which she is unsoundly proud and desperate for people to notice. She uses the typewriter again from my website in 2014 and John's writing songs on a typewriter:
Books of the Southwest archived website dated December 19 2014 (this version of the site was up by Spring 2014)
John talking typewriters during writing Born and Raised (2010-2012) in the documentary California Typewriter
The song Taylor has playing during this "special gift-giving" is "You Are in Love" with the lyrics, "You can feel it on the way home (way home), way home (way home), you / You can see it with the lights out (lights out), lights out (lights out)."
John released Paradise Valley on 20 August 2013 with "On the Way Home" being the final track listing. The lyrics include, "On the way home, you were never meant to feel alone."
He released version of Beyoncé's "XO" on 27 May 27 2014 with her lyrics:
"Your love is bright as ever
Even in the shadows
Baby, kiss me
Before they turn the lights out
Your heart is glowing
And I'm crashing into you
Baby, kiss me, kiss me
Before they turn the lights out
Before they turn the lights out
Oh, baby, love me lights out"
And so Taylor makes the video about going home (with John) to the little boy, whose name Layton matches John's middle name of Clayton, only twenty and twenty five miles from where John was born in Bridgeport, CT, and raised in Fairfield, and this in November directly after John had finished his Born & Raised World Tour in September 2014 and would himself be going "home." She also references John playing Muddy Waters' "Mannish Boy" at the end of this tour at the Made in America Festival in Los Angeles by buying the boy a large floor piano as is in the movie Big with Tom Hanks (whose movies I always said my life mirrored and Katy used a piano like it in launching Prism) to comment on John's song 'mannish-boy." Another gift is a remote-controlled (suggesting John is remotely controlled) transforming (suggesting his transforming) car/monster truck from the Sharper Image where John had gone on late night and talked early in his career about toys he had bought himself. Not only is this intrusion into his biography and family unwarranted and unwanted, she knew very well she was violating me as well. To make sure the internet showed where she was, Taylor stopped at a coffee shop first in New Haven (while fans clamor to see her) at a Starbucks, to match her purposefully "misquoted" lyrics--as she supplies the information to the internet--from "Blank Space": "Got a long list of ex-lovers ("all the lonely Starbucks lovers")/ They'll tell you I'm insane" all the while dying for them to "figure it out" and know that she actually is, and finally, finally, approve and give social-sanction to stalking John and me and Katy and Kim and Kanye everyone else, and "putting her in the right for it," as she is dictating for them to do, as they always blindly, willingly do with intensity, and then give her superlative headlines and ostentatious, over-the-top awards for it so that she can "stick it" to them again, all the while trying to assume their music, images, choices, and privacy as her own. So she uses undeniable "super-fans" and their sometimes terminally ill or dead children who would never turn against her to accomplish it. She thinks they will be happy they were included without their knowledge in the "fearless" violations, that people "deserved it," that it was a riddle, a game, a character, a coup, using anyone and any movement and any trespass she desires.
I had written about on the ranch how far I was from a coffee shop (a good, long drive away), always writing at 4 a.m. I relied on it, and had posted this about coffee (which she uses to show she's "insane at a coffee shop"):
These songs she takes from "On the Way Home" and "XO" for "You are in Love" and this Christmas video are also about the relationship between John and me spent not in person, but still very much knowing the presence of the other and the certainty and wonder of falling in love that way. I wrote to John that it was funny that he is my best friend from which Taylor takes the lines, "Pauses, then says "You're my best friend" / And you knew what it was, he is in love," and that "Why they lost their minds and fought the wars," from John's "Heartbreak Warfare" and something I was always writing about war culture, and from "Blank Space" where she changes John's lyrics from "How come the only way to know how high you get me / Is to see how far I fall" to her threat, "So it's gonna be forever / Or it's gonna go down in flames / You can tell me when it's over / If the high was worth the pain" (she is trying to inflict).
Where she states "And why I've spent my whole life trying to put it into words" comes directly from what I wrote. As John and I were not directly speaking she writes, "No proof, not much, but you saw enough." On John's Born and Raised is his "Love is a Verb" with the lyrics, "When you show me love / I don't need your words / Yeah love ain't a thing / Love is a verb." When I was watching John at Jones Beach in New York in July 2010 it started raining and John sang "City Love" from his 2001 album Room for Squares with the lyrics, "I tell everyone/ I smile just because / I've got a city love" and "She steals my clothes to wear to work" and Taylor repeats it, "You keep his shirt."
She's been copying John's highly intelligent and meticulous attention to detail that is most evident, not only in his guitar playing, but also in his knowledge of watches (and guitar pedals and songs and any of his hobbies), which can be seen in the first "Talking Watches" video on Hodinkee on 25 September 2013 where he says "That is a Tiffany dial . . . I always like the rare inside look closer, but look closer, but look closer still. Look inside the 'a' of Tiffany and you'll see a small photo of myself as a child." The video is shot inside of a French bistro called "Little Prince." This video is also significant in showing other things that Taylor is replicating. In the video John uses a coffee cup that was so surprising to me to see because I had one cup, my favorite cup from a French line that I had had for years that matches it and of which I posted John a picture showing that it matches. Taylor buys an unsuspecting fan a cup on the order of it to show that she's stalking me.
My "La Maison" cup that matches the one in the video:
I also showed him an antique china and small cup tea collection at the ranch