If you got to see the gorgeous "rocket ride" of the beginning of John Mayer's musical lift-off, how sweet and real it was, how deeply necessary, old school and bursting new at the same time, all the more wonderful and thrilling all the way through, innocently falling in love with him with the pure excitement of the cusp of what it was bringing us to, the very realness, then you also know the devastation when ugliness entered the picture. It was confusing. How had the innocent, the humorous, the sweet turned so sour in what the press was saying and the public repeating as fact? And yet it never felt as true as the realness had, the promise, the bright shining beauty of what John was and is, how he was there in bringing the light in NYC at the moment of 9/11, shifting being caged in by a hit into mind-blowing blues lightning and thunder, core honest and raw refined into grace in every note. He was proving he'd never be taken down by presumption. It is exactly what we needed, someone to say it, someone to prove it true. Overcoming the press later would be a much harder, more daunting, more trying task. The love was gone. The presses' dark cloud was being fed by bigger, harder presumptions that without awareness creep in as a far worse reality than exists in what John had broken through. Was he up to the task? The next level of the truth? The next level of what now was publicly against him? The next level of music? In his own soul and surrounded by the closest foundation of friends John had to find that way, the goal not necessarily how to claim back fame, pop charts, or Grammy Awards, but with utter conviction of the larger of what those things were first a gate. John had to go back to the 14 year old kid in his bedroom who could see what it was, or at least feel it out in the dark.
It is not fun to talk about behind-the-scenes. Here is why. One tactic of narcissistic abuse is called "scapegoating," which is projecting and making someone else to blame of a wrongness that lies within the abuser. It involves lying, and continually lying to create a reality in which another person is given the role as the person to blame for that inner blackness. The lies and talk are so continuous that it takes on a seeming "well it must be true." "The person is so angry, so hurt" gives it seeming realistic validity. Here is another hard aspect of it: when that "it must be true" takes hold, another goal of the narcissism is shown: to silence the victim so that no one believes them when they speak. This was the tangle of projection, lies, and blame that John, because of not "fighting back" as it was starting to happen publicly to him 2008-2010 as Taylor Swift, upon meeting him immediately started delivering it to the press and public, that alighted itself as the common presumption of the press and the now love-less public. His fans' first puppy love would be tried to its fullest. If you know his music, you know this would be the test of what one found in John's insights and abilities . . . and heart.
If one were to look behind-the-scenes, one would realize why John was trying kindness, trying patience, trying generosity, even with his music and recording by letting Taylor Swift into his hard-won and very personally-valued, rare zone. That's a trait of someone who has felt a hurt sensitivity before in more formative years and tries to apply kindness to make things better as a child does, believes it has to be the right thing to do, tries through what should be valued of innocence to make people do right, do good, to value loyalty and friendship bonds as he felt in his own experience. That's why there was no public fight-back, but shock and sadness instead. It is a shock when an abuser does not value that which had been offered in equanimity and consideration, even when no romance is wanted, but feelings none-the-less accounted for when they didn't have to be. It is the shock of allowing trust and respect where it isn't earned and finding the price so very personal and deeply costly. That's how the narcissist disorder likes to leave the mark for what they cannot have. The narcissistic abuser wants everything for themselves, mostly they want of what is of highest and golden value to the person they wish to harm the most.
And so my coming out on-line these past three years in trying to show the reality has also been met on social media with that usual response to the "scapegoat." The scapegoat is commonly not valued, not listened to, and not believed. That's what happens, experts show, time and time again. It can be expected. They advise to build your own personal foundations and ignore what people are saying. The truth isn't to be accepted as news, as breakthrough. Instead, it's "Why are you trying to rain on our parade?" "What kind of crazy person would try to ruin this incredible public victory?" (even though it's all a string of lies). The reality approached is the one created by the lying. Who would want to be in the role of trying to show what most everyone believed isn't true and have your motives questioned when it has already been horribly painful for many years? What could I possibly want--they think attention--for speaking out? Here is why.
John was targeted as a scapegoat for Taylor Swift's horrible, manipulative character.
There you have it. I've given my life to say it. I've given the last fourteen years. I carry it in my soul as the most important thing I could ever say to show that what people believe is a false reality and that the beauty that was abandoned in John was and is the truest and realest thing that's worth this world and the next. That's worth everything. I don't care if I'm called a liar, an attention-seeker, crazy, or making things up, even though it's a task to make it through that phase. That's the norm. I'm here to do something different.
You can buy me a cup of coffee or not. Let's have fun on this tour. I've watched John's mettle change things over and over and over. I can't believe we get to see it again. The wonder in John is why I believe and will stand with him until the end, without end. His courage and insight are priceless. He carries me with that music. I know that he always will.
And so that's what this launch is of this New Literary Journal '57 Story with the new story details inside this bookstore atelier. I believe in the beauty. I believe in the soul. I believe in taking care of the dharma body because that's what's going to carry on. I believe in joy, and I believe in sharing it. I believe in facing off liars when it matters. I believe there is something bigger and it's worth going through this to get there.
I hope to see you on the SOLO Tour.
CHECK OUT THE COMING POSTS OF MERCHANDISE DESIGNS AND DETAILS OF THE NEW LITERARY JOURNAL '57 STORY